Lay Low

Chapter Twenty Four

The alarm on my phone blasted into my consciousness.  I groped around with my hand and pressed my thumb to the screen.  The silence that greeted my ears was delightful.  I tried to get back to sleep but my brain was now awake and alert and filling my mind with all the thoughts that had kept me up until late last night.

Nope, getting back to sleep was definitely not happening.  I pulled myself upright slowly, ignoring the deep ache radiating from my ribs.  

My memory filled with last nights events.  It seemed like I was ending up in tears a lot lately.

I got up and went into the bathroom.  I threw the cold water onto my face, hoping it would enliven me.  I hadn't slept much since I had been beaten up but last night had been the worst.  The mirror showed grey circles under my eyes.  I feel exhausted.  My body felt used up by all the nervous energy I was producing.

I still wasn't sure if I should have withdrawn my statement like that.  It wasn't my best thought out move.  Max had told me after last night's incident that the Child Protection case conference had been called for later today and that they would ask me about whether I wanted to go back to Mum's.  Max had urged me to think long and hard about what I might say to them.

I didn't know what to do, that was the only thing I knew.  Only certain in my uncertainty.  I knew Max was right last night, but I couldn't shake Hannah's face: her pleading eyes.  I couldn't bear for her to think that I was the reason that she didn't have her Dad in her life.  I cared about her so much.  Besides I knew what it was like to not have your father around.

But what if there weren't any changes, would I lose my chance to get out of there for good?   His aggression was only getting worse, and I was getting hurt more and more each time.  I just didn't know what to do for the best.  

-----

I managed to avoid conversation of any depth with Max other than him arranging to pick me up from school early so we could go to the Case conference.  

I got out of the house as quickly as I could and hopped on my bike.  I enjoyed the feeling of the wind on my face as I flew up and down the streets.  I didn't feel like getting to school early and making conversation with any of my friends or even with Lyla.  She was particularly grating on me over the last few days - someone else always asking me if I am ok.  I tried not to feel irritated towards her: she was just being a caring girlfriend, but I was increasingly finding my patience short with people.  

When I finally arrived at school, it was getting late and the playground was buzzing as people rushed to get into school on time.  I was putting my chain on at the school bike sheds when I heard my name.

I turned towards the voice and saw Sergeant Jeffries standing before me.

"Hey"  I said.

A small smile filled his face.  "How are you doing?"

I shrugged in response.  

I noticed people's heads turning towards us.  Me being seen speaking to a policeman in uniform would turn into another source of gossip.  I felt like I was being talked about enough at school this last week as it was.

 "I have to go in or I will get a late slip" I said, gesturing to the building behind me.

"It's okay.  I spoke to Mr Rhodes and he knows you are out here speaking to me."

So he was here looking for me.  I could take a guess as to why.

"So, I got a surprising call last night from Detective Klein telling me that you had come into the station and withdrawn your statement against Tony.  Is that right?"  Jeffries eyebrow rose on one side as he spoke.

I didn't bother answering his rhetorical question but shoved my hands into my coat pockets.

He sighed.

"You started the fight last week, huh?  It was all on you.  You threw the first punch."

"Yeah" I croaked.  That bit was true.

"So that means he can break your bones and beat your back till you bleed?  That is ok?!"  His voice was thick with anger. 

I shifted my weight but didn't say anything.  I didn't want to think about how he was right.

I noticed how his fists were curled tight.  My heartbeat fastened despite the fact that I knew he wouldn't use them on me.  I was well conditioned to feel fear.  In the moment my mind strayed, I thought of how many similarities there were between me and Pavlov's dog.  I smirked to myself as I imagined a picture of my face on a Churchill dog.

His brow crumpled at my response.

"What about all the other times he hurt you?  They were just minor incidents.  Little fallings out?"

He had obviously read the report of what I had said last night when I had tried to downplay it all.

"Why did you change your statement?  Did he threaten you?"  Jeffries was closer to me now.  I looked up and his eyes searched mine as he listened to my answer.

"No, he really didn't.  I just think it is the best for everyone."  I didn't feel as confident about my words as I tried to sound.

Jeffries looked stunned.  "You don't really think that letting him get away with everything that he did is for the best, do you?"

"I should really get going..."  I started to turn.

"Does your Dad know that you have withdrawn your statement?"

I whipped around quickly.

"I didn't think so."  He said."You know he wouldn't want any chance that you could go back there, and that the charges might be dropped by the Police.  We can still charge him without your support, you know?  It is much harder but we can."

"Right" I said, unsure what to say to that.  My eyes met the floor again.

Jeffries sighed again.

"Will you be there later?  At the conference?"

I nodded.

"Right then.  Well think long and hard about what you want to say to them.  What kind of life you want to have.  It is more in your control than you think."  He said heavily but his hand squeezed my shoulder gently.  "You deserve so much more than what you have had.  You deserve to be happy."

I took that as my cue to leave and as I headed into the dingy grey building, his words echoed in my mind.  What did I deserve?  I had never been much use to anyone.  My own Dad just left me.  I am not sure I deserve all that much.  But I do have my Dad back in my life, at least for now.  Hannah deserves to have her Dad in her life too.