She Is My Hayaat

Chapter 27: Unspoken Words

Someone pinch me! WE MADE #3 IN SPIRITUAL ON JANUARY 18TH, 2016. GUYS, OH MY ALLAH! PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END.

My hands burned under the scalding hot water as I rubbed it and cleaned it free from the blood. We had just done surgery on baby Kamila. We'd taped her ribs back in place and the cardiothoracic surgeons performed a ductal dependent lesion so there would be adequate pulmonary blood flow. 

It took two surgeons to ensure the baby's safety because she was so small. Everyone thought that she wouldn't make it, but as I felt her heartbeat underneath my gloved hand, I knew she was a fighter. She was born three weeks ago, and even then the doctors didn't think she'd make it. At three and a half pounds, she was as fragile as glass, and was quickly admitted to the NICU as soon as the surgery was over. 

I turned off the water and made my way out of the OR and into the locker area. I sat down on a wooden bench and pulled off my surgery cap, tossing it blatantly in my hands. I threw it beside me and took my head in my hands, contemplating everything that had happened in the past six hours.

"I don't think she'll make it nurse."

"Her hemoglobin is dropping! Someone get another bag of AB positive."

"Her ribs are too small to even tape back together."

"Kamila's lungs are giving out."

"Poor girl, she didn't even get to know her parents."

It was too much to take in. She was only weeks old, she didn't deserve to struggle. She deserved to be healthy and happy.

I clenched my jaw, and my eyes started to burn. I held the bench below me in the heart of my palms, my knuckles turning white, and I looked up. I took deep breaths, not letting the tears flow down. I couldn't let myself become vulnerable for a patient, and not when I had less than a week left. I breathed in and out of my nose and steadied my heart. I sniffed and got up, checking myself in the mirror. 

Thank goodness there weren't others in the locker room. I wore my badge that I'd taken off during surgery and made my way down to the NICU. I had two hours left of my shift, and I'd promised Kamila I'd visit as much as I could and stay when I wasn't busy with other things. 

I stopped at the nurses station and grabbed the remaining charts I had left for the night along with my iPad. I'd finish them while I watched Kamila. I wore my coat over my scrubs and walked into the NICU where majority of the infants were asleep as monitors beeped all around them. 

I smiled at the small figures and cooed to the ones who were slightly awake. One of the nurses that was on watch saw me and nodded his head towards me. George knew why I was here since he was in surgery with us. 

He gave me a small smile, and without saying anything, pointed me to the transparent incubator that held baby Kamila. I thanked him with a nod of my head and pulled up a chair beside her. I placed my things next to me on the small table and put the buds of the stethoscope in my ears to check her heartbeat. She was fast asleep, her heart thumping under me. I checked her vitals and the monitors just to make sure everything was right. After I was satisfied, I sat down and put my hand through one of the holes of the incubator. She wore nothing but a white diaper, a cap, and a pink striped blanket. Her wrists were covered in different colors of paper, and nose covered in plastic and tape. 

A small tear fell down my cheek, and my heart broke at the sight. Her hands were strawberry red. the blood flow prominent. She slept deep in thought, her tiny forehead creased right above her perfectly shaped eyebrows. I straightened the curve that resulted in her fragile thoughts and gave her a flying kiss.