The Evil Rant And Review Book

Bonus #4

Okay, lovelies, time for another bonus chapter. This time, it's an actual review. I bet you're all sooo excited.

Author: woodlandic

Title: The Unraveling of Lowell

Genre: Teen Fiction

No. of chapters read: 21

First impression: Wow, yet another Teen fiction set in high school. These are becoming pretty rare, they are.

Cover: So there's this guy climbing on a flimsy rope to the moon. I'm completely lost. Is this an astronaut story or what? I like the colors of it and the font, that's for sure, but... is the guy climbing this Lowell everyone keeps talking about? And why is he trying to climb to the moon? I'm confused as fuck.

Cover rating: Confusing as fuck

Blurb: It's one line. I shit you not. It promises adventure, coming of age and dark pasts. I shit you not again. It promises a lot of things. Including a full blurb inside. I don't usually give a shit if there's a full blurb inside. Why keep it inside? I'm not going to open your book just to read the damn blurb. Put it out there!

But I'm making an exception this time since the author actually did some really nice stuff for me and now I feel guilty.(jk, honey)

Ah, the blurb inside is classic, revealing a few things about the characters and plot. Why not put it up front???

Though I have to admit that the line on the cover is still the most interesting.

Blurb rating: Maybe one line is enough.

Let's get it on!

Second impression: What the hell is up with all these crazy people?

Actual review (drum roll please):

Language: Is atrocious. Now don't get me wrong, because the writing itself is good. Sure, there are some typos, some awkward phrasing here and there and maybe the slight need to buff up the text, but the piece is pretty editing.

What I meant to say is we're traveling at around 50 fucks/minute. That's write. Grab your soap and toilet brush because these kids have wicked mouths! 

Do I mind? No. Do I think it's funny? Yes. Would I like less fucks? No way!

Do I have any other observation regarding language? Fuck no! Oh, wait, yes I do. All the chapters contain Lowell's name, which is pretty smart, though the name Lowell does nothing for me.

Language rating: It's just a word, it's not hurting anybody. Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Plot: Let's start with the fun stuff. *violently rings cliche bell*

- brooding, mysterious bad boy love interest

-the guy's British and all so interesting for it

- The girl and gal hate each other on sight

-...

I think I kinda ran out of cliches, because everything turns psychotic pretty soon. There's this treasure hunt, you see, and Mizuki, our awesome potty-mouthed MC, is, predictably enough, paired with the mysteriously British Lowell.

Shenanigans ensue, and after many adventures, the two fall for each other. Of course, it's not easy, because Mizuki and Lowell both have dark secrets which... eh, neither of the other really gives a shit about. They're both like, meh, it's a part of you, I don't give a rat's ass, let's make out.

So... yeah.

Plot rating: No one give's a fuck about dark secrets

Characters:

Mizuki: Oh, Mizuki, we had so much fun together. Your name and your personality are so original... until you realize you're in love with Lowell and turn into a pathetic sack of trash instead of kicking him in the nuts. But I forgive you, because we had the best of times together, and, in the end, you did the right thing. I admire you. I like you. I want to get pizza with you. 

And you're one of the more original female MCs in high school. I'll give you that.

Lowell: You giant douche lord! I want to throw you off a building myself. Because you're not brooding or mysterious, you're just a little boy pretending he's not a little boy. Get therapy! Mizuki is awesome! Love the hell out of her! I guess you're at least good with children and really love your sister and step mom. No excuses! *sicks Gustavo on Lowell*

Mizuki's friends: Are fun while they're there. Except for Bianca, the rest sorta fizzle into the background. Not that I mind. Bianca is awesome. Love her name, too.

Mizuki's family: Is so much fun. Finally, an MC without a dysfunctional family or one without any personality. Mizuki's parents are the cool parents we all want to have.

Bryn: Is the world's most dirty mouthed kid. I don't care, I like her. Looking forward to reading her story.

Lowell's family: Ah, there's the dysfunctional family. Shame on you Lowell's bastard father!

Character rating: fun, fun fun!

Why I stopped reading: Because the book was over. It didn't stretch annoyingly long either. It should be a little longer.

Grade: Pas. Because despite every mean thing I said about this story (Hey, Lowell, how'd you like Gustavo?), it's very fun to read. Like really, really fun. So, I'm giving it top fun-factor grades!