AN: Here's a quick something before we begin today's review.
I don't comment much on this story. I realized that might seem pretty shitty, seeing as I appreciate each and every comment and vote I receive on this review book. Especially because most people don't read review books! It's not something you, like, read for pleasure.
Now, the reason I don't comment much is because I'm evil in this book and my comments suck (honestly, if you check out my other books, I'm a sweetheart). I want you guys to feel free to say whatever you want without fearing my sharp tongue. Also, I don't want to engage in story discussions (if you want to, I'm free over PM).
So there you have it. Just wanted to make sure you guys know I appreciate every comment! I mean it! Even the ones who say I'm terrible. Well, maybe not those. Anyway... If you want me to answer your comment and talk to you, just tag me in the comment.
Sorry it took so long to write another review, but I was stuck on a story again. Never mind! I have a surprise!
Also, holy shit, 16 k reads??? I wish my other stories would skyrocket like that (shameless hint).
Right, enough of that, let's get it on.
Author: mortal_dreamer
Genre: Vampire (obviously)
No. chapters read: 3.2
First impression: It's going to be one of those books, right? Where the vampire is all charming and sexy and creepy.
Cover: Wow. Wow. Wow again and not in a good way. Maybe if I didn't read any of the story I could have just shrugged it off as a bad cover. After reading some of the story... it's a really bad cover. Why those dark colors when the tone is light and sarcastic? And what oh what does a shushing woman have to do with anything? And where's your name?
Nope. Just... nope.
Cover rating: Nope.
Blurb: Wow, way to put it out there that Colin is a vampire. There goes my surprise (not that I wouldn't have guessed immediately because... you know, THE TITLE). Aw, secrets are revealed and hearts get broken... NO! Your next paragraph is actually interesting. Hailey wants to survive, not have stereotypical vampire romance. That's IMPORTANT! Screw high school secrets and broken hearts.
Other than that, it's a pretty good blurb.
Blurb rating: *takes katana out and chops off shitty part* Pretty good.
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Wow... just, wow. And not in a good way. You're trying way too hard to be funny.
Actual review (drum roll please):
Language/Writing: I'm going to kick you in the shin. (Holy crap, I have a lot of bitch rage pent up from not doing any reviews, sorry for unloading it on you. Right, back to bitch mode). What. The hell. Is with those paragraphs?
No, really, I want an answer. Your dialogue is gob smack in the middle of a paragraph where someone else but the speaker is doing stuff making me think that it's maybe the other person talking and it's confusing as fuck. Separate your characters in different paragraphs. Match the action with the speaker. DON'T make huge ass paragraphs in which the dialogue is all but lost.
There, that's my biggest problem with your writing. Unfortunately it's a really big problem because it makes the story really hard to read.
Other than that, your language use is actually pretty good. Congratulations. Don't you feel better now? Your punctuation is really crappy, though. There, now you're back to feeling bad.
Language rating: *beats paragraphs with a chair to separate them*
Plot: It's easily deduced from the blurb, but let's have fun with some cliches, shall we?
- starts with character waking up (well, being awaken in this particular scene)
- character is about to start her senior year and it's the first day of school - if it's not, I apologize, but I think it is.
- character is assigned to babysit the new, mysterious, hot kid who is very hot
- ah, look! It's a hot guy she's been in the same class with for freaking ever and she never noticed him. She does right in time for a love triangle.
Right, with that out of the way... what kind of freak school is this? The principal and secretary obviously know Colin's a vampire, and they send Hailey off to be butchered. Also, why is it dark in the principal's office, but then Colin walks on the halls like every normal human being? And if Colin has sunglasses on, how can Hailey be mesmerized by his eyes?
Also, Blaze. What. The fuck? They don't speak for like... never, since Hailey didn't even know his name, but now they're best friends and talk and everything? Plus, since he's such a trouble maker, how come he never drew her attention? Was she sleeping through it?
And Colin and Ray shooting daggers at each other. I have a feeling Ray's a freaking werewolf or something, and if he is I'm screaming Twilight and throwing the book at the wall.
Also... all those gags. It gets a bit too much, like you're trying way too much to make Hailey funny, but she kinda comes off as this annoying brat who thinks she's better than everyone.
Plot rating: believeability suspension mode activated. Believability suspension mode failed. This is severely unrealistic on a basic human reaction level
Characters:
Hailey: Is a whiny, angst brat who thinks she's better than everyone else. Oh, wow, she's sarcastic. Haven't seen that before. And she thinks her birthday is oh so sucky because her father gave her a box of condoms and embarrassed her and because she got to skip class to go to the principal's office where she was handed no punishment. Woe is me! Poor Hailey and her crappy life.
Get a grip, bitch! Oh, I have a bone to pick with you. You fall asleep in history class? Have you ever paid attention to it? Maybe see why it's not boring AT ALL? History is like the most important subject out there because IT REPEATS ITSELF! Especially because people are too stupid to realize that.
Yeah, Hailey, you're an ignoramus. You're in your senior year and don't even know the principal's name.
Chloe: I actually kinda liked her and her crazy stunts. Even if being a joker is the only trait she has so far, it kinda suits her more than Hailey.
Ray: Is probably a werewolf secretly in love with Hailey, there to protect her from vampires because she's a special snowflake or something.
Blake: I think that's his name, not Blaze. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's Blake. Ignoring the fact that he all of a sudden decides he wants to flirt with Hailey, he's alright, I guess.
Colin: Sucks at math. Which was pretty funny. Of course, he's interested if Hailey has a boyfriend. And probably wants to suck her blood and watch her as she sleeps.
Character rating: I actually enjoyed everyone who wasn't Hailey.
Why I stopped reading: I was fed up with your confusing as fuck paragraphs. Really now, those things are deadly. Having to read each of them twice is not a good thing. Also, I could kinda see where the plot was going and... eh, you need impeccable writing for me to check out of you're not just full of cliches. You might not be, but so far, it's not looking good.
Grade: Fail. Again, those paragraphs are murder. Tone down on Hailey's smartassness and you could be going place. I enjoyed the general atmosphere of the story. There, I said something nice about it, too.
Song: Just some random twilight soundtrack song. I never listened to all of it, but the rock seemed to fit your story.
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
Random[CLOSED] Formerly The Evil Reading Request List, this has turned into a showcase of nasty reviews, a place for me to rant. I surprisingly don't rant a lot. The book was discontinued because real life is kicking my butt and I don't have the tim...
