The Evil Rant And Review Book

Ultimate Warrior

Author: Cross-Warrior

Genre: Science Fiction (Behold, new genres!)

No. chapters read: 3

First impression: Well, this is something I haven't read in a while.

Cover: It's freaking anime. Am I taking you seriously? No, not at all. Do I think it fits? Eeeeh.. maybe? It's a book about a freaking video game. I guess it kinda fits. Still don't like it and the quality of the image SUCKS. Also, that font is terrible for sci fi. Cursives are romance fonts. Give me something gritty.

Cover rating: appropriate enough

Blurb: It's pretty interesting and gives us a pretty good view of what's inside. You know what's missing? A freaking character! Who's this he in the first sentence? I want to know about him, not about the videogame. Okay, I want to know about the game too, but more about what it means to a certain someone. So yeah, needs rethinking.

Blurb rating: lacks character

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Um, okay, this is pretty nice.

Actual review *drum roll please*:

Language/Writing:

OMG! I'll say it again. OMG! It's old and less wordy than anything I've ever read from you. How is that possible? Are you... are you getting worse? Wordier? The hell you doing?

The language didn't bother me AT ALL. Probably because I expected a jumble of words and huge paragraphs. But no... it felt almost... human. Sure, it's still confusing a little, but mostly fine.

Language rating: OMG

Plot: I like the plot. Basically, we have this VR videogame everyone is going crazy about, and our here, genially name Hero finds himself with a glitch character for some reason. So he's actually much better than everyone and has no idea why.

There's also an evil/benevolent mastermind behind all this who has some nefarious plans for Hero.

I used to love WoW, so I'm on board with this.

Now, you know what this story's missing? World building. Seriously, I want more about the outside world. And the in-game world as well. I'm imagining WoW settings all over the place.

But I'm curious how the game works, what that time limit actually is and how it works, because I refuse to believe they made a game you can't log out of anytime you like. I mean, what if you need to pee. Or poo. Or eat. Or your cat/badger/random mountain lion jumps on you and mauls you?

Yeah, the mechanics of the game should be explained more.

The rest is pretty easy to understand.

Plot rating: I want explanations!

Characters:

Howard: Is apparently an alien, because he thinks humans are weird. He's also the one who picked Hero to be the hero and is apparently acting like some form of Gandalf to him.

Hero: I have no idea why he's so scared/nervous/confused. He's in a freaking video game. It's not real. Okay, confused actually works. So far, her seems a regular guy and okay-ish.

Azura: Ah, the female beast master/beast Warrior/potential love interest for Hero. You know what would be funny? If she were a forty something fat guy living in his mother's basement, wearing a wifebeater with mustard stains on it. Yup, I'm imagining Azura just like that.

Ninetails: Is apparently Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog combined with that weird fox creature Naruto turns into. I bet you were going for the Naruto reference, but I'm sticking with Tails.

Character rating: potentially interesting.

Why I stopped reading: There was only one chapter left and I'm sick of your unfinished stories. I'm not really sure when your last update was, but it was probably years ago.

Grade: Pass. It was a fun ride while it lasted, and the gamer in me gets the feels.

Song: No, you don't get one, because the song this reminds me of is too dirty for your delicate ears. Let's just say it involves a lot of WoW characters and the word porn is tossed around a lot.