Note: I'm doing this one because I've already read it for a book club. (Yes, people who are in book clubs with me get special treatment because I'm FORCED to read their works before it's their turn on the list). Again, this doesn't affect the list in any way.
Me being stuck on the Alcoholic Kittens, however, fucks everyone up.
Author: Cross-warrior
Genre: Fantasy
No. of chapter read: 5
First Impression: Oh, look, another story set in high school with an MC that moves all the time and has no friends.
Cover: Damn. Damn, damn, damn! Fuuuuck! You know why? Because until yesterday, the cover of this book was Avril Lavigne. And I had SO MANY JOKES lined up! (Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your cover, no way, no way, I think you need a new one). But noooo... All my brilliant jokes - down the toilet. So I'm entering this review in ultra bitch mode.
*Ultra Bitch Mode activated*
So, um, yeah. This cover is not bad, but it's not exactly brilliant either. The title kinda fizzles into the image, the pattern is all screwed up, and it's much too dark. The concept is okay, but the execution... eh, not so much.
Why's your name black? It's hella hard to see. Unlike your designer's name which is crystal clear. My friend, you've been had.
Cover rating: Wha wha wha...
Blurb: Wordy.I wouldn't advise using words like however or perhaps in your blurb. Not that they're wrong but they're a little pedantic and might scare the crap out of people. I have no other notes on this. I think wordy kinda sums everything up nicely.
Blurb rating: Wordy.
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Telling, telling and more telling. Not caring. Telling.
Actual review (drum roll please):
Language/Writing: Yes, yes, you have some messed up complicated phrasing you are aware of. I'm not. I found your use of words to be pretty good actually. You know what bothered me? Your first chapter. Or first part of the first chapter, actually. And the prologue.
Because: Prologue vague as fuck, reminding me of FUCKING TWILIGHT. Yes, I'm guilty, I read twilight, but I couldn't help rolling my eyes at it for the sheer stupidity of a lot of stuff going on. So, yeah... You didn't get any points with me there.
Chapter 1 is telling as fuck. She gets into a new school, meets creepy boy she STILL befriends even if he's creepy, and wow, weeks passed and they're the best of friends. If I wasn't forced to read this, I would've probably stopped right there.
Language rating: Fix your beginning, damn it!
Plot: This is where things get fun. *viciously rings cliche bell*
- girl starting out at new school.
- girl is antisocial
- girl has adorable younger sibling she dearly loves
- she bumps into rather hot mysterious guy (I'll give you some points here for Justin actually being bullied).
- she ignores weird creepiness of guy she instantly befriends
This jumped out at me. Your first chapter is a freaking mess. It's one of those things that makes you just go meh and close the book or viciously toss the phone/tablet/book at the wall. Your choice.
Chapter 2 is so much fun. We meet Kailey's abusive douche father, and some amusing shenanigans ensue between Kailey and some vampires which end with Kailey being suffocated to almost death just because her little brain couldn't actually figure out that it would be a nice time to pretend to fall asleep. Fun.
Plot rating: Get rid of the cliches
Characters:
Kailey: Okay, people. What the hell is wrong with normal names? Why do you have to name your character in such a way that I have an 80% change to misspell the name? What's wrong with Kylie?
Moving on. First chapter: wha, wha, wha... couldn't care less about your ass. Second chapter: Wow, you're actually pretty fun and your inner thoughts are hilarious at some point. I'm starting to like you. You're at least trying to be strong. Good on you!
It slightly bothers me that she's 14, though. She seems a bit older than that.
Justin: I have to admit that I don't understand WHY Justin wanted to befriend Kailey in the first place. Also, he's a vampire. And pretty fun. I don't hate him. He's a demon monster *throws chair at him* I'm curious about his relationship to Fang.
Fang: Ha ha ha... really? Hagrid's dog? No, I'm actually talking about an older vampire who doesn't seem to want to kill Kailey, but... Hagrid's dog???? Buwahajahahahaha!1!! Sorry about that. It's just such a silly name for a vampire. Anyway, he's interesting enough.
Danny: The adorable sibling. That is all.
Kailey's parents: Dad's an abusive douche who beats Kailey and Mom gets a crappy mom award for not giving a shit. I dare say Kailey's presence shall not be missed.
Character rating: Is it strange that I found this fun?
Why I stopped reading: Because I had only 5 chapters to read for the bookclub. Anyway, all the new version was over. But you got lucky, because if I didn't have to push past chapter 1, I would've so failed you. But I was FORCED to read chapter two.
Grade: Pass. That funny stuff you have in the second chapter? Yeah, use that. That inner voice is gold. And the silliness? Gold too. Focus on that.
Song: Couldn't help myself.
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
Random[CLOSED] Formerly The Evil Reading Request List, this has turned into a showcase of nasty reviews, a place for me to rant. I surprisingly don't rant a lot. The book was discontinued because real life is kicking my butt and I don't have the tim...
