The Evil Rant And Review Book

Run

🎶Oh my God I'm back again🎶

In a shitstorm of regrets and 90s music. But who doesn't love 90s music? If you don't, you're dead to me.

I'm doing this again. And since NO ONE completed payment, I'm doing the bonus review. This is also a not so subtle hint 😑

Right, moving on to happier things. Or maybe not...

⚠️Fair warning. I did not read through this once and wrote it on my phone with all foreseeable consequences.

Author: ehmain

Genre: Romance (at least I think it used to be romance because wattpad no longer believes genres are important 😑)

Number of chapters read: 9. Yes, you read right. 9. Though 2 don't count and one's a prologue so 6?

First impression: I've actually been waiting to read this one for a while. *reads author's note: written on phone with no edits. Uh oh.

Cover: where is your cover? Seriously. I'm pulling aside stickers and I can't find shit. What. The fuck. Is up with all those stickers???

Oh, wait, I found something. Its grainy and horrible. Ugh. That image is terrible quality and the font even more so!

Bury it back in stickers!!!

Cover rating: 🤮 (I'm now doing emoji ratings. Sue me).

Blurb: surprisingly enough (or not at all), your blurb is also covered in stickers. Like literally. More than half of your story description is a list of stickers and awards.

I mean it's groovy that you won stuff, but seriously, no one cares THAT much. When you have too many awards, yay for you! But put it in a chaper or something. It's annoying that you have so little story and so much sticker.

The blurb itself is very broad and nonedescriptive, and while it suggest an entertaining, though overused plot, it doesn't make me care about your characters.

The overused plot is not a deal breaker for me since if done right, it can be very entertaining, but not exactly realizing who the story is about (KatxBen or NessaxNate) I'm a little meeh about it.

Blurb rating: 🤢 (not yet barfing for the bits of story in there. The barf is only reserved for your stickers).

Let's get this show on the road!

Language/writing: I'll be honest. Not like you have a choice anyway. I have a love-hate relationship with your writing. Don't get me wrong, your language use is fine, your grammar and punctuation are fine. But (and you knew there would be a butt - heh) I have a few issues with your style.

While I like the very close first person you're doing it sort of bugs me that you do it exactly the same for both your POV characters. If not for the POV indicator, there is very little difference before the voices of Ben and Kat. Which is very weird since they're apparently very different people.

Then, as the story progresses, your paragraphs are getting very weird, with strange spacing and I'm just huh???

Yes, the way you have your characters expressing themselves is very fresh (kinda), but it's suffering from overuse and it gets a bit much. Okay, a lot much.

So I'd actually work on toning down the almost fourth wall break and actually making the two of them sound different.

Other than that, clean sailing for you. Your autocorrect doesn't hate you that much which was a pleasant surprise.

Language rating: 👌

Plot: in the first six chapters we are treated to a bathroom break and an awkward yet life changing New Year's kiss. So yes, I can't really say the plot is zooming past us.

Since it's a romance, I'm tempted to let it slide. What I'm not tempted to let slide is how we're treated to basically one conversation prolonged until death by the fact that we keep changing POV.

At one point I just want one of them to punch the other in the face just to spice things up. Though I'm sure that would lead to about 10 chapters of each of them overanalyzing it.

Yes, it gets draggy. Plus I'm a little stumped by how different the Kat inside her head is from the Kat Ben sees. Ben is not that shockingly different, but he doesn't act like a player. At all.

Just like Kat doesn't act like a prude who just came out of a relationship. And the information about her being potentially tipsy comes in way too late. Like a few chapters too late.

One thing this story is definitely suffering from is white character syndrome. You know, kinda like white room except with characters and stuff. Less for Kat, more for your other three letter character.

The current scene doesn't seem to be connected to their old lives. It's like they were born in that bar or something hit them on the way in and they have amnesia.

There are SOME details, like Kat's boyfriend (though she thinks a lot more about how hot Ben is rather than her breakup that day) and the pact between Nate and Ben (though the reason for said pact is never revealed). But that's not really enough to round up your characters nicely.

All I got after six chapters is that your short named characters are a bit contradictory and severely overdramatic.

So yes, something needs to happen. Like yesterday. And more context. Which is yesterday.

Plot rating: 🤨

Characters: Ah, the life changing gaze of a girl who thinks she's ugly but is actually hot as hell. This is me 😑

The player who is so fascinated by our heroine that his hear of gold is showing. Also me 😑

What I'm trying to say is that your characters don't act like what they're supposed to be. Maybe they're pretending but right now they just seem out of control.

Kat: Kat is okay I guess. Her voice is entertaining, I'll give you that, but she rubs me the wrong way because she's nasty, then she's insecure, she let's Vanessa bully her into doing something she really doesn't want to and she thinks she so plain when she's not. Yuck.

Also, that prologue... because I'm assuming it's her. She blew my mind. That lever of overdramtics is astounding. I don't know if I should laugh or realize she doesn't grow at all and just walk away.

Ben: I like Ben a bit more because he's an expensive car. Oh, wait, wrong Bentley.

Kidding. Still like him more. What bugs me about him is that he doesn't come off as a player at all. And is also fascinated by Kat for no apprent reason.

Vanessa: I'm not sure about her. She's drunk, seems to bully her friend a lot and is apparently in a fake relationship for some reason. Not her biggest fan, but I'm not hanging her yet either.

Nate: I like him for some reason. Not sure why, but I do.

Btw, totally loled at the "here's a character chapter, but don't look if you don't wanna" followed by a gazillion of character pictures inside the chapter.

Character rating: 🙂

Why I stopped reading: didn't I read enough??

Grade: you get a Pass, mostly because the writing is engaging and because I write on my phone too lately so we're phone buddies.

Seriously though, change your cover (I can recommend a kickass artist). And I'm sure your first round of edits will remove most of the problems.

Given this is done, paying people, you have until August 15 to complete payment or I'm reopening the book and you lose your turn.