Objection | SVU

Chapter 26

[A/N: Check out this YouTube video of Barba from the first half of this current season. I love seeing him throw down in court, and he absolutely nailed it in this one. Here's Chapter 26, I hope that you enjoy it!]

Jess' POV

I froze as soon as the words left Rafael's lips. I had taken every precaution to make sure that he wouldn't be at the trial to hear what had happened to me. I had made sure that Liv and Strauss wouldn't tell him. The trial was in Brooklyn, and I knew that he still had connections in the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office. That was probably how he had found out. I felt numb; this was the one thing that I didn't want to happen.

"H-How did you find out?" I asked quietly. Rafael shifted on the bed so that his body was completely turned toward me. He sighed, and I asked again, "Rafael, how did you find out?" He replied, "Why didn't you want me to know?" I somehow found the courage to look him in the eyes, and I shakily said, "Because you didn't have to know what went on during that time... I wasn't going to tell you... I don't want you to think that I'm broken."

His grip on my hands was loose and gentle, and he calmly moved his thumbs on the back of my hands. "Cariño." He said simply, and I looked up at him again. He looked like he was ready to break in two. He looked absolutely torn apart... And it was my fault.

"I don't think that you're broken. I don't think that at all. You should know me better. I think that you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. I know you better than you think, Jess. I know that you didn't want me to know because you felt like it would alter our relationship. I know that you didn't want me to treat you like the victim. I know that you didn't want to tell me because you didn't want to put me through the torture that you went through. You thought that telling me would make me relive it and wonder why I wasn't there to help you and protect you."

The only words that I could get out were, "I'm so sorry..." Rafael rubbed my back as I fought back tears, and he calmed me down. "You need to be able to trust me, Jess. You need to know that you can tell me what happened. Yes, I feel like it was partially my fault... But there's nothing I can do to change what's happened- if there was, I would do it in a heartbeat. I've been blaming myself since that night, and I'm sorry for not being there for you. But..."

He paused, seeing that I was becoming emotional. He cradled my head in his chest as the tears fell silently from my eyes, and his arms encompassed me. He continued, "I need you to know that I'm here for you and that I want to help you. You have no idea how hard it was for me to just sit back and watch you go through the trial and the aftermath of this whole thing and not be able to help. I just wanted to hug you and hold you close, but you wouldn't let me in... I need you to learn to let me in, Jess."

I whispered, "I'm sorry..." Rafael pulled me even closer to him, and the familiar scent of his cologne calmed me down a bit. He replied, "Don't say that you're sorry, Jess. You've been through a lot and I'm not mad at you. I just want you to know that you can talk to me." As I gathered myself, Rafael let me go. I was looking him in the eyes again, and his eyes were beaming at mine with a look of pure love.

"How did you find out? Who told you?" I asked curiously, and Rafael sighed. "When you were giving your statement to Benson in the hospital, you thought I was asleep." I finished his thought for him.

"You were awake."

He nodded, and I sighed heavily. He had heard everything that I had told Liv that day. When I had originally disclosed my statement to Liv, my memory was fresh and I had remembered everything that had happened to me. I had told Liv everything about the hours that I was held captive, and I had adamantly expressed the fact that I never wanted Rafael to know what I had gone through.