Love, Emma

Chapter Thirty-Six: Nathan's Point Of View

"You like her a lot, don't you?" I nearly fall out of my chair in surprise, turning to face Nonna in the seat beside me.

Embarrassed at being caught staring, I look away from Emma, dancing away with Peyton and Mia near the middle of the floor. I hope the blush on my cheeks isn't noticeable, but with Nonna, everything is; she doesn't miss a thing, even if she is well into her eighties.

"Don't lie to me Nathaniel, you never were good at it." Guiltily, I glance up at her, feeling like a little kid being scolded.

"I've al-always li-li-liked h-her. Sh-she me-means ev-every-everything t-to me."

She'll never like you back, not with your face; so brutal, so grotesque, disgusting, ugly, hideous, awful, repulsive, beastly-

I helplessly look to Nonna, hoping she'll start talking, give me something to think of other than how much better Emma could do than me.

"Have you told her that? Does she know?" She calls a waiter over as she talks, so he can refill her coffee mug, and then turns to me, gesturing to our seats.

"You two look as if you're together, why do you look so down?"

"Sh-she kn-kn-knows, m-mo-mostly. B-bu-but it's co-com-complicated." My hands fumble together in my lap, nearly shaking as I think of all the possible things she could have said at the church, in response to my confession.

What if I was ready though? Such a simple question, and yet so many possible answers, so many things she could have said, so many things we need to talk about. My knee starts bouncing in response to my nerves, nearly smacking the under side of the table, if I'm not careful.

"Bambino, why not uncomplicate it then?" I don't answer her, instead I try to avoid her concerned gaze, ashamed to be so nervous over something so many people go through everyday. Relationships.

"N-n-no-nonna, wh-what if sh-she do-doesn't f-f-feel th-the sa-same as m-me?"

There it is, my biggest fear, exposed out in the open, bare to judgement, to be either confirmed or denied, soothed or fed.

Why would she like you anyways? You've always been a freak of nature, an anomaly, such a disappointment. Can't even be attractive, look at his face, so repulsive, so monstrous. I bet she hates you.

Closing my eyes tight, I ignore the thoughts, trying to push them down, somewhere I won't hear them.

"Nathaniel?" I look up, thankful for the distraction, awaiting her reply. "What if she does feel the same?"

My mouth opens and closes several times, unable to form a logical reply, something to defend my fear. My insecurities.

"Hey, you," her hands on my shoulders are an instant comfort, like the calm after a storm, warm and soothing against the harshness of my own thoughts.

"Mind if I steal him for bit?" Smiling at Nonna, Emma reaches for my hands, already pulling me up from my chair.

"Not at all, bella, you two have fun."

"Thank you, Rosa." Waving as she turns, Emma guides me onto the dance floor, away from the safety of our table.

Content with our position in the middle of the dance floor, Emma drops one of my hands, already swaying her hips to the beat.

"Loosen up Nathan, it's just me." Her smile is soft, nurturing even, as she closes her eyes, already lost to the music, letting the lyrics wash over her, as if beckoning her further and further into the song.