Persuasion

Castle on the Hill

Somewhere over the Atlantic I let myself fall apart. I was at the same time pleased with myself for keeping it together as long as I did and loathing myself for being reduced to this. I was reading his book, all the beautiful sad words that made my heart ache. I barely made it to the tiny airplane bathroom before the tears started streaming down my face. My chest heaving and my body trembling as the wave of emotion overcame me. It hurt. Every part of this hurt. After a while my breathing steadied and the tears stopped flowing. My throat ached and my eyes were red and swollen, and despite the release I felt numb. I splashed cold water on my face trying desperately to cool my scarlet cheeks and exited the bathroom as quietly and as invisible as possible. I returned to my seat and put the book back in my bag, replacing it with a journal that I had been avoiding using recently. I opened to a blank page and wrote 'Resolutions' on the top in large block print. The list was four items long by the time we landed in New York:

Go where the story takes me

Rediscover my passion for writing

Break up with Paul

Let go of Logan

I walked out of the airport with my head held high, leaving the broken and lost little girl somewhere over 30,000 feet. Except she followed me, into Doose's when I got the phone call that my Atlantic article was pulled and in my childhood bedroom when I got the email that my Conde Nast meeting got postponed. So when my mom went upstairs to bed for the second time, I snuck outside on the porch wrapped in a blanket and was dialing his number before I even had time to think better of it.

"Ace what's wrong?" 

"Why does something have to be wrong?" my voice sounded frantic.

"It's the middle of the night there" he said knowingly.

I sighed, letting his voice linger in my ear.

"Come on Ace, talk to me" he pleaded.

"My Atlantic article was pulled" I admitted finally.

He let out a long breath. "I'm sorry. I know you worked really hard on that."

"Yeah, I mean I know it happens. It just seems to be happening a lot to me lately" I said nervously picking at the lint on the blanket wrapped around me.

"It's just a rough patch, you'll bounce back" he sounded so sure of himself and of me.

"But what if I don't?"

"You will" he replied earnestly. "You've got your meeting with Naomi and Conde Nast wants to meet with you. You are going to be just fine. Better than fine. You are going to be great."

"You are like my own personal cheerleader."

"I can do the whole routine with pom-poms in a couple of days when you get here."

I smiled at his sincerity and the image of him in a cheerleader outfit. "Thank you for that."

"You don't need to thank me Rory" he paused for a moment "now you should go get some sleep."

"Yeah I know" I said softly, but I made no comment to end the call just sat in comfortable silence for a moment listening to his breathing.

"Everything will be okay" he assured.

"I'll see you in a couple of days" I said quietly.

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too" I replied, and I meant it.

"Goodnight Ace."

"Thanks Logan."

I ended the call and slipped back into the house, curling up on the sofa instead of returning to my room. I'd like to say that it was because I was so tired that I couldn't make it all the way into my bed, but in reality I couldn't stomach seeing Paul when all I was thinking about was Logan. I heard his words echoing in my mind, 'everything will be okay'. I had been trying to tell myself that for ages, but when he said it I felt myself believing it. I fell into a soft and peaceful slumber.