Persuasion

Lay It All On Me

Stars Hollow - November 2016

I thought about texting Jess, but I thought better of it. I had done enough damage there. I wasn't what he needed, and vice versa. So instead I put on my comfy clothes. The baggiest sweatpants I could find and the shirt that I borrowed from Logan when I spilled coffee down the front of me one morning as I was leaving for the airport. If I thought too hard about it, it still smelled a little like him. I curled up on the couch with Paul Anka and watched a marathon of 90s sitcoms that would have made my mother proud. Saved by the Bell until the handsome blonde got too familiar and then Boy Meets World. Something about the constant laugh track and the feel good end of episode messages was soothing that I just kept watching. I was in the middle of an episode when I heard the door open.

"Mommy is home!" she yelled "who missed me?"

Paul Anka and I remained on the couch unmoved. She walked in and looked at the TV and our vegetative state. She sat down on the couch.

"Is the one where Topanga cuts her hair off?" she asked reaching into the bag of M&Ms I had left on the coffee table.

I nodded.

"Good episode" she said petting Paul Anka's head which was curled up in her lap.

We sat in silence, watching the episode unfold.

"I think Eric had something with his TV show idea. I would definitely watch a show called Good Looking Guy" my mom said breaking the silence when the ending credits were rolling.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. I sat up on the couch and turned to face her.

"I'm ready to talk about it now" I said shakily.

She nodded quietly and retreated to the kitchen. She returned with a box of donuts and a mug.

"It's cocoa" she answered before I asked the question.

I nodded.

"I don't know where to start" I admitted.

"Start from the beginning" she suggested.

"It's Logan's" I said nervously "the baby is mine and Logan's."

"I figured" she offered.

"So how did this happen? I mean, how did you two run into each other?" she asked gently.

I took a deep breath and started slowly "a couple of years ago, when I was in Hamburg I ran into him, at work I was going to meet with my editor and he happened to be there meeting with someone about acquiring the newspaper. He asked me to meet him for coffee."

"And you hadn't seen him since your graduation?"

"Nope" I shook my head.

"Wow" she said quietly.

"Well yes and no" I responded taking a sip of cocoa before placing the mug on the table. I continued "we had both been kind of avoiding one another, but we had coffee and we caught up. It wasn't weird or awkward. We just talked."

"Mmmmhmmm" she said with eyebrows raised.

"Well when we went for coffee we just talked, then we went to dinner and there was wine."

"Mmmmhmmm" she repeated.

"I knew it was a bad idea, but it just sort of happened" my voice got quiet towards the end of the sentence.

"So did he tell you about his girlfriend?"

"Fiancée. And no, but I didn't tell him about Paul either."