Skyrim: The Nightshade Assassin

Late Birthday Present

Chapter 22

25th of Morning Star, 4E 202

I cried day in and day out for weeks on end. I must have been crying for only a day, for all I know. Maybe three, maybe five. I don't remember. What I do remembering is Kaito telling me he carried me onto Shadowmere as soon as I passed out. Gabriella has been bringing me my food, and Babette checks up on me every hour. Kaito likes to sit by my chair in his spare time, just to spend time with me.

My forearm presses against my eyes, tears streaming from the sides of my face, and slipping past my ears. Everyone couldn't lie; they regretfully admitted they enjoyed Cicero being non-existant, and I also think the sanctuary has gotten a little quiet.

Maybe by today, I'll be completely cried out. Kaito slithers inside my room, quietly shutting the door, and I don't acknowledge his presence. My attempt to stop sobbing fails, and clench my teeth to keep myself from the noisy wails. It feels good, in a way, to be crying again. I forgot how salty tears were until my cheeks begin to slightly irritate. I lick the tear that makes its way into the side of my lips, and I swallow. After Cicero wouldn't talk to me anymore, his embrace loosened around me. I've never felt so guilty in my life.

I killed my own brother.

Just by my selfish act, I couldn't find a way to forgive him. But his contagious smile remained, already knowing I'll hold a grudge to the end of time. By my little game, he was going to die either way. It's unfair.

I sniff, and I feel Kaito's heat radiating from his body. He just completed a contract, somewhere humid. I can tell. With countless sobs, I cry even harder, that I have to gasp for breaths. I hear Kaito stand up from his chair, and press his lips against my forehead, although half of it is covered by my arm. His footsteps are almost inaudible due to my sniffs, but his fingernails clink on something, like glass.

Stringy hair nuzzles my elbow, and a tiny glass hand comes in contact with my skin. Kaito had placed the doll at my side.

Removing a segment of my forearm out of my sight, I glimpse at the porcelain doll at the bottom corner of my eyes. Her eyes are staring endlessly at the ceiling, thick eyelashes curling up like a hook. The doll's ruffles on the dress scratch against the back of my hand, and the volume of my sobbing gradually lowers, but doesn't stop. My tears blur my vision, but I can see Kaito's fuzzy figure sitting beside me.

"This is how I felt when Mikasa died," he says, adjusting the doll so it snuggles onto my arm. I swallow, and I hear him sigh. "I never want to be heartbroken like that again."

His voice is shaky, full of pain and memories.

I blink, leftover tears running to the side of my face, clearing my vision. Kaito is looking away from me, his fists clenched to his knees. But I know for a fact, his sister died from a sickness. I killed my brother. I let him suffer on the cold pavement forcing him to retrieve a health potion that was actually a poison. I'm glad he didn't take the fake elixir in a minute. Cicero must loathe me.

I squeeze the doll beside me, careful enough for her not to crack. Then, Kaito stands up.

"Wait..." I mumble. "Don't leave me."

He turns around, alarmed. "Are you asking me to stay?"

"One simple request," I growl, gritting my teeth. He sits back down, and I sigh. I don't want to be alone right now. When it's silent, I hear Cicero's laughter. I hear his laughter, but then his sanity. I remember his voice, not of a mad jester's, but of my brother's, like he sounded years ago.

"Cortana," Kaito says firmly. I widen my eyes. He never really says my name, especially in a serious tone. "I don't want you to end up like me when Mikasa died. I was helpless. All I did was work, but nothing to live for. Then when I was at Helgen, I was happy to die. Don't be glad to meet your own death just yet."