Skyrim: The Nightshade Assassin

Fight! Part Ⅱ

Chapter 28

Blurriness takes its form over my eyes.

The stench of blood tickles the hairs in my nose.

Raspy inhalation fill my ears as I hold my breath.

I swallow the sour saliva that is left in the back of my throat, but sense a fluid rising.

What is this feeling? A sharp, stinging vibration.

Oh, yes.

It's a knife.

I look down, thankfully the tip of the dagger barely crossing the other side. It's merely an inch stabbed into my back, although it feels as if it goes further to my chest. As much as it pains me to even turn my head, I look to the left, wheezing.

Kaito is on the ground, his forehead dripping with blood. He isn't moving.

The knife penetrating my back slithers from my skin with difficulty, intensifying the pain and causes me to drop to my knees with gasps and a throbbing wound. I don't turn back at the perpetrator, I'm too focused on the agony I'm feeling at my torso.

"K-K-Kai..." I stutter, choking on the blood rising to my throat. I vomit to the side and fall onto my stomach, face plundering in the cold snow. "It hurts..."

Gods dammit, why am I calling out to him? Why am I relying on him to help me? How weak have I gotten since he came? Can't I help myself...

I shiver as the snowy breeze hits the stab wound in my back, but what distracts me is Kaito. His grey eyes are open, giving him an even more blank look than he already had when he was... living.

Tears blur my vision from the pain and the sight of Kaito.

Hm...is this what I feel?

Shock? Anxiety? Fear? Trauma?

His eyes are open, and I feel hope rising in my soul.

But he's staring into nothing.

Is this what anxiety feels like?

I gaze into those eyes of his. His eyes... those stupid eyes. Piss! It's those stupid things! The spark once there, is gone, bearing no life whatsoever. When I stare into them, all I see is nothing but an endless void of darkness. But he isn't dead. I know it. Why did I ever think he was dead?

Stopping my hand from conjuring flames with haste, is the stinging the throbbing in my back. I consider flaming the vampire's body behind me to ashes. I picture her smiling in victory. Wipe the smirk off your face, you harlot. I'll burn and fry you to ashes... if I wasn't on the grounf at the moment.

No I won't...I would rather burn him...the saviour of Skyrim, the Dragonborn...

Blasted...! I should've killed him while he was still new! Would it've been so simple? Easier? Why did I ever talk to him in the first place?

How did I... begin to enjoy his presence?

"Tch...!" I hiss, my clenched teeth creating the irritated noise, saliva and blood dribbling down the corner of my lips as I feel my wound stinging at every time I attempted to move.

This boy be damned for rekindling hopes in me!

Roughly pressing my hand onto my faceーfull of anger and rageーI glare at the Dragonborn's body through my parted fingers. I breath out.

What's her name, Laelette? The one who the ghost girl warned us about? I'll kill her too!

The searing into my flesh, the purging of my eyes, I force myself to turn my head to gaze at the vampire walking away from the hill.

No...why didn't I kill Kaito before? He was at the edge of my temper, why didn't I kill him when he just joined the Dark Brotherhood? He was a stranger! This never would of happened if he just left like I told him to! Angrily turning to his body, despite the pain in my back, I scowl.

KILL HIM. Why didn't I before?!

I've forgotten so much...! Oh, godsー! I...what...is this what it was like? Having passions?

I want to die. I wanted to stay, but not anymore. If this is passion...

'Passion?' Passio...passio...I want to die.

I'd bite my tongue againーburst blood and drown in myself; nails in my wrists, tear and dig and tug and pull out my bleeding throat AGAIN, to...!

"Tss..the joke is over, Kaito," I hiss again under my breath, trying my best to do anything, I don't know, anything besides...besides... what?! And to think I actually liked him being beside me!

Quiet settles in, making itself comfortable, especially inside Kaito, and the wind gently brushes the dead leaves fallen recently during autumn. My wound stings, and I wince.

Sometimes I kill to silence the screams, the laughter in my head, so they'll serve as a dying nightmare. But what about Kaito? I look into his eyes again. Dammit!

Now... now I'm conflicted. Am I mad because I didn't stop Laelette from murdering Kaito? Because he actually struck a passion in me to be by his side? Because I'm actually experiencing these feelings?

What happened to my life...?

My jaw is quaking and my eyes are warm, despite the blistering cold. The pulsating opening in my back turns to no feeling at all.

"I wish you hadn't come here," I choke through clenched teeth. Taking my hand out of the way of my face, I look at this peaceful, peacefulーhe's so peaceful, isn't he? Peaceful little shit!

"Wake up...!" I cry out, but he doesn't answer. I throw a pile of snow at him, missing because of the excruciating pain. "Wake up...!"

Another and another, but he just won't fucking wake up!

"See me, idiot? See me, this body?! It does not grant the bloody peace of eternal sleep!" I rave, my voice cracking and head clouding with an incoming headache.

I take a handful of snow and toss it to him, this time crashing onto his shoulder.

"Wake up!" I roar, chucking handfuls of ice at him, and it blends in with blood. "You can't die yet! You miserable little wretch, had I been Dragonborn, I'd drink a pub dry!"

He still doesn't answer!

"Damn you, you hear! I-I'll spit on your grave, you rat bastard, because I know you aren't dead!" Each second, I contemplate on whether he's alive or not.

I throw, and throw, and throw; miss, hit, miss, hit...

"I hate you...I hat...ah.." Am I sobbing now? An assassin, sobbing out in the open... "What, are you just going to leave me? Don't abandon me, you idiot!"

"Hh...why...?" He's fought everywhere, but here, he has to die? He hasn't defeated the dragons, Alduin, and this whole province will be in ruins! Forget the Emperor! This will not only affect me, but all of Skyrim!

I drop my arms to the ground, crying in shakes. For the life of me, I can't remember ever a time feeling these many emotions. Why won't he answer? Should I call out again?

"Hello...? Hell...o?"

END