Every Game

Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Role of The Fool

I don't know what to feel anymore. It still is painful to see them together, happy and contented. I knew this would happen the moment I pushed them together but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to get hurt anymore. Or maybe I don't really have the right at all, but I don't have the power to stop myself feeling this.

"M-Mads..." Rocky called my attention again.

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa marmol na sahig.

Nakaya kong magpanggap na hindi nasasaktan sa harap nila Rafael at Ericka. Nagawa kong ngumiti habang pinagmamasdan kung gaano nila kamahal ang isa't isa. Nagawa kong isantabi ang nararamdaman ko para sa sariling kapakanan.

Damn it!

I couldn't do it to Rocky. I couldn't stand staring at him while he's slowling drifting away. I couldn't stare at his eyes, knowing I was lying to myself. And now... I couldn't meet his eyes anymore.

It's silently killing me...

Is it really possible to feel this way? I don't know. This is such a foreign feeling.

"I told you to look at me when you're hurting," he whispered.

He tried to hold my arm but I stepped back and found myself running away.

He didn't try to follow me or even call my name. I didn't hear anything from him the moment I ran, not a single word. Better, I think. I don't want him to stop me. I don't want him to look into my eyes and see all the lies they tell.

Maraming napapatingin sa akin habang nagmamadaling tumakbo. Natanaw ko ang labasan pero masyadong malayo. Lumiko ako sa kaliwa at dumiretso sa Rest Room. Napalingin ang mga babae ro'n nang makita nila ang isang babaeng nagkukumahog makakuha ng bakanteng cubicle kung saan walang sino man ang makakakita sa kanya.

I locked myself in. Umupo ako sa nakasarasarong bowl at sumansal. Napatingin ako sa kamay kong nanginginig. Pinagsalikop ko ang mga daliri sa kamay ko at kinalma ang sarili.

There was no tears on my eyes, not even a trace that I just came from a nerve-wrecking scene of almost losing someone.

All the lies and alibis facading my game have been ruined in just a snap.

Tumunog ang cell phone ko sa loob ng bulsa. Inilibas ko ito. Nakahinga ako nang maluwang nang mapagtanto na si Ericka ito. Hindi ako nag-atubiling sagutin ang tawag na 'yon.

"Huy. Saan ka?" bungad na tanong niya.

I gulped the lump in my throat. "W-Where is he?"

"Rafael's talking to him," pabulong lang ang mga salita nito. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here."

He's talking to Rafael?

"I-Is he angry?" I asked anxiously.

Out of all the things running inside my head... I just want to know he's fine.

Natahimik ito nang ilang segundo. "Where are you?"

"S-Sa Rest Room sa first floor," sagot ko. "Wait. Don't come here. H-Hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin. Please."

She ended the call without saying a word.

I started to panic. When if she brings him here? No. He can't go in here. And if it happens she brings him, I won't come out here. I'm scared to face him now. I can't. I still want to think nothing happens and he still is clueless.

Ayokong matapos ang lahat nang ganito lang.

"You there?" Someone knocked on the door. It was Ericka.