Every Game

Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Return

"W-What did you just say?" I asked him. Gusto kong marinig uli 'yon, baka sakaling nag-iba lang ang pandinig ko. "I mean... 'yung mga huli mong sinabi. Pwede mo bang ulitin?"

He let out a heavy sigh as he whispered, "It's over, Mads."

"What is over?" I raised my eyebrows and clenched my trembling fists.

I tried my best to hold back my emotion, to stop the looming tears in my eyes. I did it. But I know it won't last. I am so feeble to try harder.

"The game," sagot niya. "Everything, Mads. It's all over."

I slapped him again. "You forced me in this game, pushed me to do things I didn't know I could and made me feel this," itinuro ko ang dibdib ko. "Tapos sasabihin mo lang ng tapos na? Nang ganito lang?! How dare you!"

"What the fuck do you want?!" Tumaas nang bahagya ang kanyang boses. "Ipagsawalang kibo na nasaktan kita? Na nadamay ka sa miserable kong buhay? Bullshit, Mads. You don't know how I am feeling right now."

That's it. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. Lumalabo siya sa paningin ko kaya mabilis ang paghawi ko sa mga luha. Ayokong mawala siya sa paningin ko, pakiramdam ko ay lumalayo siya, natatakot akong mawala ko siya.

"This game has only the right to hurt no other than me! Ako lang ang pwedeng masaktan sa larong ito, Mads!" Bahagyang pumula ang kanyang mukha, tila pigil na pigil sa sarili. Halos dumugo na rin ang kanyang kamay sa pagkuyom na ginagawa niya.

Tumingin ako sa kanyang mata... nasasaktan na naman siya.

"I told you, you can't get hurt because of me," he said in a hoarse whisper.

"Are you the only human in this game?" I couldn't hide the disappointment on my voice. "Am I just a programmed character that has no right to be hurt in this game, huh? Do you really think this game can't hurt me?!"

Huminga ito nang malalim. Kumalma siya. Sinubukan niya akong hawakan pero umatras ako.

"Why are you trying to hold me now?" I raised my eyebrows. "Is this part of the task?" I mocked him.

He shook his head. "I'll drive you home."

"Will I still see you again after that?" Nanginig ang boses ko. Naiisip ko pa lang na kapag umuwi ako ay hindi ko na siya makikita ay parang hinihiwa na ang dibdib ko. "I don't want to go home."

"Tapos na," aniya.

"You know what?" Huminga ako nang malalim. "Give me this game and I'll find your Mom for you. If you are too weak to continue, I'll do it!"

Tumawa siya. "You're insane."

I laughed too. "You made me one."

"Hindi ba ito naman ang gusto mo?" tanong niya. "You just said it. I forced you in this mess, I badly hurt you because of that. I can't afford to hurt you again, baby. It's unbearable. Ako na lang... Ako na lang sana. Kaya kong masaktan nang paulit-ulit pero huwag na ikaw."

"S-Sa tingin mo ba ay napipilitan lang ako? Dahil kung oo, gago ka." Hinampas ko ang kanyang braso. Hindi siya umalma. "H-Hindi ko itatago ang pagkatalo ko kung gusto kong makawala sa 'yo. Can't you see? I am dying here... I am dying, not because of the game, but seeing you like this."

Kumunot ang kanyang noo.

"D-Don't do this to me, Mads," he pleaded.

"No, Rocky. Don't do this to yourself." Hinawakan ko ang kanyang mga nakakuyom na kamao. Pinilit kong ayusin 'yon pero mas hinigpitan niya lang. "If you think, Rafael not loving me back is damn painful, think about what you're doing now. It's intolerable."