if i love you was a promise | b.e

two

liv and ella arrived back within 10 minutes, and we just ate and talked until 8:00.

liv checked her ticket to see where the meet and greet was happening, and it sent us to a hall with music playing. we were still first in line, so we waited until billie came. liv and ella had their phones out, but im not not that type of girl. i prefer to live in the moment.

we heard a scream from behind us and realised billie was coming over. i laughed at this girls reaction, but i stopped myself when i realised i was freaking out just as much.

she ran over with her arms open and my friend liv raced over and started talking to her. i could see my friend shaking. billie saw me and smiled at me again when ella walked up, but it felt different. i wasnt sure if it was a good or bad different.

when it was my turn, billies smile dropped to an extent and she pursed her lips. i started to feel sick. did i make her hate me earlier?

my mind was asking hundreds of questions but i didnt show it.

billie looked me right in the eyes. her gaze was so strong i felt like she could read my thoughts. she was examining my face like she was going to be tested on it, and for some reason i felt so vunerable, there was just something about her. she gently grabbed my hand, and i felt something that was definitely not skin.

paper.

she didnt take her hand away from mine, but moved my hand so that it went inside my pocket where she dropped the note. i looked at her in confusion but she pretended nothing had happened. she hugged me and whispered in my ear "read it as soon as this is over" i was left with nothing but the urge to read it and a faint feeling. my eyes and hearing went fuzzy and i was sure i was going to faint, but i just breathed deep and i was ok. i was fully overwhelmed by what was going on. i was just anxious to know what she wanted. it could have been anything. it could have been nothing. i was just trying to figure out if my hopes were too high or not high enough.

liv and ella had been waiting for me by the door. i walked over, coming up with an excuse for why i wouldn't leave with them. "im gonna go explore for the last few hours that the shops are open" i told them. it was our first time in london, so they believed me pretty easily. "ok, we'll see you at the hotel whenever" ella smiled, and they went out the door.

i stood, shaking, for about 30 minutes, watching the queue slowly shorten. as the last person went up, billie turned her head to look at me, and i knew she wanted me to read what was on the paper.

my shaky hand pulled the paper out my pocket. it was folded in half, and all creased from me fiddling with it. i felt a sick feeling in my stomach, i couldn't tell if it was dread or anticipation. probably both.

billie looked over again before taking the picture with the last person in the line.

i carefully unfolded it, took a deep breath and read,

"you seem pretty chill. meet me by the bathrooms at 9. i just wanna talk for a bit."

i looked back up at billie, she was turning off the music that had been playing. she looked over at me. i raised my eyebrows in a questioning way, and she just shrugged with a smile. my whole body shivered and i put my hand over my mouth. i was insecure about my smile, especially when i was smiling this big. she waved and followed maggie out the door.

i sighed and just let it all sink in. it was so overwhelming, how my favourite person in the world wanted to talk to me out of all people. had she done this with other fans? it all felt so unfamiliar and i was beginning to get anxious about it all.

i pulled out my phone - 8:45. i decided id buy some merch so security wouldnt find it suspicious that i was staying at the venue after the meet and greet. i bought a hoodie, which was the only thing left that i didn't already own. it was 8:55 by the time i had finished and i made my way to the bathrooms.

my legs were barely supporting my weight and i felt like i was going to fall over they were shaking so much. i managed to carry myself the whole way. i was asking myself things like "what if she's not there?", "what if it was a joke?", "what is she going to say?"

i pulled my hair down from under my beanie and tried to fix myself. my sweaty palm pulled the bathroom door open, and she was standing there leaning against the sinks, scrolling through her phone.

"hi baby!"