if i love you was a promise | b.e

twenty six

thank you for 11k reads!! enjoy this chapter and please don't be mad at billie 😫

neither of us brought up what happened with bella until we were back in our hotel room.

we sat on the bed and started scrolling through our phones. billie broke the silence.

"how long were you outside?"

"maybe five minutes."

billie let out a sigh.

"im so fucking sorry, joey. that was such a shitty move. she just wouldn't get off me, and when i brought up how she was bothering me yesterday she turned it into a conversation i didn't want to have. it all happened so fast, i lost my conscience. it was so uncomfortable, i hated every second of it. i will do anything to prove to you that it meant nothing. please."

she was now sitting up and looking right at me, her eyes glossed over and her lips trembling.

"why'd you let her pressure you?" i asked, switching off my phone.

"im weaker than i look." billie said quietly, fiddling with her fingers.

"i believed what you said last night." i said lowly. "should i have?"

"yes," she replied sincerely. "every word of it. ive never felt the same about someone. im crazy about you."

i looked at her in deep thought. "its ok, billie."

"no it's not. it's not ok. i should have said no." billie raised her voice slightly.

"it's not easy to say no, i get it." i said gently.

"i grew up with her, that's just wrong. i couldn't stop thinking about you. im not good at relationships. you deserve so much better."

"hey, don't say that." i grabbed her chin, forcing her eyes back up to me.

"yeah, you fucked up. big time. i hate that that happened. and i should be mad right now but i know you're not used to seeing people exclusively."

"that's not an excuse." she pulled my hand away from her face. "why are you so fucking good to me?"

"because i love you. nothing can change that. even when im mad, i still love you more than anything. you have to understand that i forgive you, billie. you can't beat yourself up about this."

it was probably bad, but it was true. i was so deeply in love that there was no way a fibre in my body could feel badly about her.

after a little while i believed i had convinced billie well enough that i had forgiven her. she had calmed down now at least, so we just went to sleep. it didn't feel the same as normal nights, and that was probably the worst part about it. i missed when it was simply us, no drama, no other people. of course, i couldn't just expect everything to be perfect all the time though, and frankly i was willing to go through hell and back for billie.

***

i woke up to dramatic sobbing coming from the bathroom. i sat up to go and see what was wrong.

i realised she was on the phone and sat back down.

"i fucked up, fin! i fucking hate myself."

"i couldnt say no, she wouldn't stop kissing me. i couldn't fucking speak."

"yes, i know. but everytime i told her i didn't want to she got upset."

"i should've been stronger, i know. but i wasnt. i don't know what to do."

"finneas you're not making this any easier."