if i love you was a promise | b.e

thirty seven

what had started off as a tension filled yet quiet trailer turned into a huge emergency meeting filled with yelling and crying and panicking as more and more reposts of the video were  found - in the span of ten minutes.

fans took it upon themselves to get videos taken down and posting on their stories asking people not to share it.

billie and i messaged multiple of the bigger fan pages to ask them to spread the word. as 9am approached, it seemed like a living nightmare. it was a living nightmare.

articles were already being published. media was being turned away by billies two bodyguards outside the trailer. the electric picnic management soon put up a barricade around the trailer as the amount of press grew and grew.

billie and i stayed frozen on the sofa, watching the whole scene play out and feeling like objects - gaining looks of disgust and some of pity.

i stared at billie, her eyes red and tired. i kissed the side of her head and tried to tell her it would be ok. it didn't seem to help too much, but i think that was one of few things that can't be fixed with a kiss.

another hour dragged on until almost all of the videos had been removed from instagram. we had been informed over 400,000 reposts had been shared, meaning probably millions had seen the video.

fin had given up helping and had instead gone for a walk outside to take in the last of ireland as we were flying straight back to la in 6 hours and the shows were being cancelled.

"i can't believe this is happening." billie said, her voice croaky and tired. her hand held firmly onto mine as we strolled towards an uber surrounded by security and the rest of billies team. "no one is ever going to forget this."

"bella is such a fucking sociopath."

"its my fault. i did this to you and myself. over one stupid thing." billie gulped, shaking her head to herself.

"hey, don't say that that. she would've been jealous either way." i tried to reassure her.

"i guess." billie mumbled.

we were interrupted by finneas throwing this arm gently over billies shoulders. "get some rest on the way to the airport, yeah? we're all wrecked."

billie just shrugged him off, leaning her head on my shoulder. we reached the uber and i flashed finneas the best smile i could manage. he seemed offended by billie's gesture. it was sweet of him to try to be cheerful right now, but i guess we were all just too tired and too upset.

i had almost nodded off when i felt a tap on my shoulder. i looked down to see billie curled up on my lap, then up to find maggie looking at me, holding her phone out. i saw my mom's name on the screen, and that the call was answered, so i smiled slimly at maggie before quickly taking the phone.

"where are you?" my mom snapped before i could even say hello.

"in the uber. im-"

"i called you six times. where's your phone?" she interrupted.

"oh, god. im sorry. it died." i groaned, rubbing my eyes.

"call me when you get to the airport." she said blankly before hanging up.

i didn't know whether she had seen the video or just heard about it, but i was one hundred percent sure that was what she wanted to talk about. anxiety filled my head, suddenly taking away any drowsiness from two minutes before.

as soon as we arrived, we went through security and found our gate. i gave billie a quick kiss on the forehead before heading to the bathrooms with maggies phone to call my mom back.

she picked up straight away.

"joey, we need to talk."

"i know, i know. its ok. im ok. really." i said slowly.

"im glad you're ok, but do you have any idea how widespread this is? its all over the media!" my mom raised her voice.

"i know, mom."

"do you know who took the video?"

"an old friend of billies who came to the festival. she was always jealous of me being with billie. she wanted revenge, i guess." i explained.

"i don't want you around this type of people. this is absolutely crazy." my mom said sternly.

"please relax, it's going to be fine."

"no. i won't relax, and it's not going to be fine. i want you to come home."

there was a brief silence. "what?" i laughed humourlessly.

"i said i want you to come home. today." she repeated.

just as i thought i had no tears left to cry, i started to break down.

"no, no, you dont mean that."

"i know it's hard-"

"mom, no. please." i sobbed while she continued talking.

"i don't want to hear it joey. i will send you your boarding pass for your flight. it leaves in two hours."

with that, she hung up. i collapsed onto the floor. i didn't know what else to do.

i tried to calm myself down but couldn't do it. i crawled into the corner of the room, my sobs echoing off the tiles as i curled my knees up.

i felt the phone buzz, knowing it was my boarding pass from my mom, making me cry even harder. i wanted to throw the phone against a wall and smash it.

moments later, billie walked in, her eyes darting down at me and filling with panic. she fell onto the floor right next to me.

"oh my god, joey, what's wrong?"

i didn't reply.

"baby, talk to me. what happened? what did she say?"

i looked up into billies eyes as she searched mine for answers.

"she's making me come home." i choked.

billie's mouth gaped open, her eyes tearing up once again. "no."

i just nodded as she collapsed into my arms once again. "no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."

"im so sorry, billie." i cried as i held her close to me, my hands in her hair, taking in the feeling of her body before it was taken away from me.

billie sat up and took my chin in her hand. she kissed my cheek, then my lips, making me cry even harder. i couldn't leave her. i couldn't.

"i love you." i cried. "i don't want to go, i don't want leave you."

"then don't." she sobbed with a crack in her voice.

"billie, look at me." i said quietly.

it hurt seeing billies face looking right at me, all red and blotchy.

"ill see you again."

billie shook her head as a tear left each of her eyes. "you'll be half the world away."

"you're not making this any easier for me, baby." i tried to smile, holding back my sobs.

"then don't do it." she said, quivering. all the guilt lay on me in that moment, even though it was my mom's doing and i couldn't change it.

"i promise you ill be back. my mom will just take some convincing. time will fly, and ill call you every day until that time passes."

"fuck this. bella can burn in hell." billie trembled.

"shhh. they'll find her." i whispered as i welcomed billie into my warm embrace. it felt like my mom didn't care about hurting me. i knew for sure that she would not be getting a happy welcome home attitude from me when i arrived, and i wasn't going to let her get away with taking me away from billie. she was being protective, and i got that. a video of her daughter and her girlfriend naked was all over the internet. i just wished it didn't make sense so there was a reason to stay.