if i love you was a promise | b.e

twenty three

it had been almost two months since we were in la and everything had gone smoothly so far. tour passed faster than i had imagined, and now there was only three months left.

a cool september breeze blew in the hotel window in germany. it's was 11am so we had most of the day to chill before the show. billie and i were just cuddled up on the bed scrolling on our phones. we had music playing in the background and billie was bopping her head to the beat on the songs she liked.

big jet plane came on and billie looked up at me with a smile.

"what?" i laughed.

she flashed her beautiful eyes at me, making me bite my lip. she then leaned in and kissed me, smiling into it. "this song reminds me of you."

i pouted at how adorable she was,  returning her kiss.

she sighed with a smile and propped herself further up on my lap, kissing me deeply. i held her head in my hands and rubbed my thumbs on her cheek gently.

her feather hair brushed off my face. i loved the feeling of her warm breath on my skin. even that gave me butterflies. she was an angel. a real life angel. i would do anything for her.

that was when i realised.

i pulled away from her kiss and looked at her. she held a tiny smile on her lips and looked into my eyes. the light from outside was bringing out the blue in them.

"billie?" i said quietly.

"yes, angel?"

i pursed my lips and looked right into her eyes.

"i love you."

her eyes widened and a huge smile grew on her lips.

"i love you, joey." she giggled and brought me into a passionate kiss. my heart melted as i pulled her in closer to me. i felt like there was nothing more that i wanted, like that was it. life was perfect. i loved billie and she loved me too.

i thought about how i used to cry in my room because billie would never be mine. because i would never get to even be her friend. she was all i wanted, and it hadn't even occurred to me how in love i was. i was in love with every inch of her, every single thing about her.

i couldn't help but smile into the kiss as it got deeper. billie started to tug at the neck of my shirt then pulled it gently over my head, prompting me to do the same for her. she rolled over onto her back with a giggle and pulled my head down to connect with her lips again.

"i love you, i love you, i love you." i said between kisses. i moved to lie on top of her. "i love you more."

she held my face just centimetres above hers and looked at me like she had no other care in the world. "god, you're perfect."

i scooped her up into my arms, making her giggle. i held her there and we just stared at eachother. i was overwhelmed with all that had just happened.

billie eilish was mine.

billie reached her arm up and slowly pulled at the strap of my bra. i grinned at her and layed her down, reaching my hand behind her back and unclipping bra. she took that as an invitation to take off mine too.

billie pushed me off her and sat up, putting herself on top of me. i smiled as she started to kiss my neck, putting my hands on her back and pulling her down further. billies hands moved to my waist and her lips moved to my chest.

"billie." i whispered as goosebumps raised on my skin. the sun shone in on us, heating our bodies.

her fingers moved to the waistband of the pyjama shorts i was wearing and pulled them down slightly, planting kisses along the rim of my underwear. before too long, we were doing what i thought i could only dream of.

***

i licked my lips and kissed her gently. "i cant believe that just happened."

"it's gonna happen a lot more." billie chuckled, giving me chills.

"i love you." i whispered, curling up beside her. billie wrapped her arms around me and took a deep breath.

"i love you too."

we lay on the bed for hours possibly, just holding eachother in the cotton sheets where we first made love. i asked myself what i did to deserve this, to deserve billie, and wondered if she sometimes asked the same question about me.