if i love you was a promise | b.e

nine

billie had been kneeling next to me and kissing me for god knows how long. i didn't dare ask her what it meant, we hadn't brought up our kiss from yesterday either. maybe it was too early to tell, and i knew billie didn't like things to be exclusive. it felt weird knowing how many other people had seen this side of her, but it didn't make me feel any less special. i just hoped it would last throughout the whole tour.

she pulled away with a sigh, looking me dead in the eyes. "i don't want to put on a show right now. i just want to stay here with you." she said in a quiet voice before leaning back in again, giving me a knew fluster of butterflies. i tucked her hair behind her ear and said "me too. but you've got to get to soundcheck. we can hang out all night after, remember?"

"hang out or make out?" she grinned, to which i answered, "whichever you want."

she sighed and put her forehead on mine. she kissed me again, then pulled away, then kissed me again. "fuck." she rubbed her eyes. "what?" i said, pursing my lips.

"ive never kissed a girl before. now i dont want to stop."

i didn't really know what to say.

i pulled out my phone to check the time. "we still have nine minutes." i smiled, and she smiled back, kissing me again. id never get used to it. her lips. the feeling of her hands on my face, and her breath on my skin. i had been with girls before, but i had never loved like this.

after a while she pulled away with a frustrated face. "you're addicting." she said, licking her lips. "i promise we can get back to this later, bil. we have to get to the stage." i looked at the time and realised we had two minutes to get there. "let's not get back into it again and end up being late." i grinned. billie rolled her eyes, smiling, and we made our way to the stage.

i hopped down the steps to sit down at the bar at the side of the room. they played half songs, adjusted volume and finneas and billie practiced their dance for 'my boy'. it took about an hour all together, then the team let billie relax until she had to come on at at 5, after her opening acts, finneas then earth gang.

she immediately grabbed my hand and said "can we hang out now?"

"fuck yeah." i giggled and she lead us back to the greenroom. when we got there, the whole team was there with maggie and patrick. "shit." billie groaned. "we can go to the bathrooms." leading us past the greenroom door to another one further down. there was a bathroom in the green room so none of the team would be going to the spare one down here.

"not as comfortable as i would've liked." billie laughed, pulling down the cover of the toilet and sitting down. "fuck me up." she grinned.

i sat on her lap, even though the toilet was small. we were so close together we barely had to move to kiss again.

i tried to make it seem accidental as i ran my hands from her jawline to either side of her neck. from watching livestreams and interviews i knew she liked to be choked. maybe it was weird, but when she let out a moan it didn't matter to me. she lifted her head a little, giving me access to her jawline and her neck. i gave her little kisses up and down. the more i did the further she leaned her head back. every few seconds she'd let out a small moan, which made me feel some way i thought i could never feel. she sounded so small and vunerable.

every breath started to turn into a moan. i kept my hands on her neck and started to bring them closer together, closing over her voice box. she started to breath faster, now leaning her head on the back of the toilet. i made my way back up to her jawline, leaving tiny bites along it. my hands moved up to the top of her neck. she grabbed onto my hair as her back arched, the moans quieter because of her lack of air, but i made sure to let her take a breath every few seconds. she started to say my name whenever id let go, but it sounded more like panting. her eyebrows furrowed together and she gritted her teeth the way she did when she hit high notes, tugging on my hair harder and harder.

i slowly loosened my grip and leaned back. billie sat up, her hands around her neck, trying to catch her breath while staring at me in awe.

"fuck." she gasped as her breathing started to get back to normal. "who taught you that?" she laughed, still catching her breath. i blushed and replied, "ive never done anything like that with anyone."

billie looked down and smiled. looking back up, she asked, "have you ever done anything with anyone, joey?" i was slightly embarrassed at my answer, but i wasn't going to lie. "no, ive dated people but we never did anything."

"damn. so all your first times will be with me?"

i almost screamed at her question. that must have meant she wanted to do more with me. it made me nervous, but the fact that billie eilish liked me like that had me stunned. i stood, smiling hugely at her, not quite knowing what else to do. "don't worry baby, we'll take it slow."

i almost collapsed on the floor.