Loud Like Love

Chapter Seventeen: Battle for the Sun

Dave woke before dawn, with Nick cradled in his arms. He wanted more than anything to stay just like that, kiss Nick awake and do again everything they had done the night before. But even though he had told Nick that he didn't regret it (and he really didn't, in spite of everything), he still felt ashamed. This would complicate things significantly. He loved Nick. Part of him probably always would, no matter what happened. But he was still not convinced that entering into a relationship again would be the right thing to do. And even though Nick had told him that he didn't expect more than this, Dave still worried about what it might do to him. Would he crash again? Go completely off the rails like he had before?

In spite of all these thoughts, however, he couldn't help but place a soft kiss on Nick's neck, and Nick awoke almost immediately, yawning and stretching like a cat. Then he looked up at him through the semi-darkness and smiled. 'I almost thought last night was a dream,' he murmured, and captured Dave's lips in a sweet and sleepy kiss.

Dave sighed and sat up, trying to hide the fact that he'd woken up hard. 'It was. Sort of.'

Nick was silent for a while. 'Yeah. I know.'

'I should go to Mellie's room. Before she wakes up.'

'You think we should hide it from her?' asked Nick softly.

'I think she'd be very concerned if we told her. Don't you?'

'Maybe you're right.' Nick rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. 'I'll follow your lead,' he said.

Dave got up and looked around for his clothes. His t-shirt had suffered the fate of being used to clean up cum the previous night, so he remained bare chested. 'You feeling okay?' he asked Nick after buttoning his jeans.

'Yeah. I'll be all right. You don't have to worry, I'm not gonna . . . At least I don't think I will.'

Unable to help himself, Dave sat down on the bed and kissed Nick on the forehead, combing his fingers through his hair. He hated himself for it, a little bit. Now that he had been with him again, had touched him again, it was incredibly hard to let go. How was it possible to love someone this much?

He stood up again and left the room. Nick said nothing.

Sneaking into Mellie's bedroom, Dave deposited his t-shirt in his bag, took off his jeans, and slid in under the covers on the mattress on the floor. Mellie stirred but did not appear to wake.

He could not get back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. Partly, it was because he desperately wanted to go back to Nick's room for a repeat performance, which was making him hard again, and he really wished he was alone in the room so he could do something about it. But there was so much more to it than that. Since July, he had tried and failed to not love Nick. He had tried and failed to hate him. He had tried and failed to not think about him at night, when he was alone in his room. He'd been angry, sure. Livid, even. He had felt betrayed and heartbroken and more miserable than he ever had before in his life. But Patrick had been right. He'd felt that way because he loved Nick, not because he didn't.

He felt a pang of guilt, thinking of Patrick. The two of them were friends again now. Patrick had told him that he was over it, and Dave had no reason to disbelieve him. If he was lying, he was the world's greatest actor. In a way, Dave was very proud of him. He was out to all of Dorcrest and seemed happy about it. In fact, he appeared so well adjusted that Dave felt quite jealous.

Himself, he was a mess. His whole life, Dave had been used to being the cool and level-headed one. In every respect except when it came to Nick, that is. And now more than ever, it was hard for Dave to keep his cool whenever he was near him. As happy as he was that they were becoming friends again, and despite his better judgement, he wanted more. Last night he had acted on that want without thinking about the consequences.