Loud Like Love

Chapter Twenty: Ask for Answers

Dave awoke snuggled up to Nick's back. He took a moment to breathe in the scent of his hair. It was light outside. He didn't want to move, didn't want to go anywhere, just savour this moment before he would be forced to think rationally about it all. He kissed the nape of Nick's neck. Nick stirred, yawned, arched his back, and Dave kissed his neck again, a bit higher up, and then he kissed the skin behind his ear, and his jaw, and bit gently into his throat as Nick rolled over onto his back, before capturing his lips.

Nick moaned softly into Dave's mouth and put his arms around him. They were both naked, and soon they were both hard and eager, bringing each other off slowly, still kissing. It felt good. It felt like it had always felt, before everything. This was how he always wanted to feel.

When it was over, though, that stupid rational part of Dave's brain decided to intervene. It wasn't as simple as just letting this keep happening, and getting back together just like that. It just wasn't. It wasn't as simple as just being in love and going with it. Not after everything that had happened.

He lay silently in Nick's arms, and it was as if Nick could hear his mind working, because he said, 'You know, you don't have to figure all of this out right now.'

Dave nodded, placing a light kiss on Nick's chest. He was still virtually hairless, except for his legs and armpits, and the trail of brown fuzz leading from his navel down to his pubes. 'I know. Doesn't mean I can stop my brain from thinking about it.'

'I know.' Nick combed his fingers through Dave's hair, and it felt so good and so right. 'I'm sorry I was so evasive before. On the bus home. You wanted to talk about what happened, and I shut you off. I guess I couldn't . . . Anyway.' He kissed the top of Dave's head. 'I'm glad it happened. I'm especially glad this happened.'

'Me too,' said Dave, and meant it. 'Being with you like this again . . .' He sighed. 'I've tried so hard not to want it. You know?'

'Yeah. Me too. I've wanted this so much I could hardly stand it.'

Dave propped himself up on his elbow and kissed Nick again, savouring even the taste of his morning breath, which nevertheless was so sweet and familiar. 'We really need to shower. And brush our teeth,' he murmured, and Nick laughed. Then they both grew pensive again. 'I can't promise you anything right now,' said Dave.

'No, I know,' said Nick. 'You're not the only one who needs a good long think about this, you know. I didn't even let myself process properly after Manchester. The only one I talked to about it was Stuart, and then I shut the whole thing away.'

'What, really? Stuart?'

Nick smiled. 'Yeah. The fact that he knows and cares so little about this stuff actually makes him easier to talk to, if you'd believe that. I mean, he only cares about me, not the implications of what happened, so he just listens.' He met Dave's gaze. 'Did you tell anyone?'

'Mandi,' said Dave. 'She was . . . concerned. And she was concerned about me going to the concert last night, as well. I guess in a way she was right to be.'

Nick kissed him on the nose. 'A little bit. But yeah, anyway, I have some thinking to do as well. I want to be with you, but that doesn't mean the past year can just unhappen. You know?'

'So, we both need to think. What do we do in the meantime? Cool it off?' Dave heard the reluctance in his own voice.

'That would probably be for the best, wouldn't it?' Nick sounded just as hesitant.

Dave laughed in sheer frustration and threw himself down on his back. 'What are we like? Fuck me . . .'

Nick smirked. 'Already?'