Loud Like Love

Chapter Nineteen: Protect Me From What I Want

'Are you sure you want to go to that concert?' asked Mandira, shouldering her bag. 'I mean, after what happened at the last one . . .'

They set off towards the exit together. 'Things are completely different now,' said Dave. 'It won't be like last time. Besides, I really am a fan. The Oxymorons are an awesome band.'

'I know.' Mandira smiled. 'But . . . I just don't want either of you guys to get hurt.'

'Bit late for that, to be honest. It really will be fine, though. Things have been fine. Nick and I have even had coffee since Manchester, like, three times, and everything's normal. We're . . . friends. Just friends. It works.'

Mandira looked skeptical. 'If you say so.'

'I dosay so. Mandi, it's fine.' Dave mostly believed himself. Mostly.

And so, he found himself in Sapswell again, different venue this time, watching Nick go on stage, and unreservedly adoring him from his place at the back of the crowd. He looked gorgeous as ever, wearing a pale green tank top today, grey jeans clinging to his hips.

They played the new song again, Nothing, and it was just as brutal as Dave remembered, just as heart-wrenching. He loved the sound they had created for it, so different from what they normally did, with the synths and the delays and the feedback loops Stuart made. It was impressive, how far they'd come in the past year and a half. The band was tight, playing togetheras one united force of sound, rather than each just doing their own thing. Matt's backing vocals had improved greatly as well. His voice complemented Nick's nicely.

About halfway through the show, Alan appeared at Dave's side. 'You all right, mate?'

'Yeah, I'm fine,' said Dave. 'Just enjoying the show.'

'I thought maybe, after what happened last time . . .'

Dave rolled his eyes. 'Everyone keeps saying that . . . It's water under the bridge. He's . . . much better now. Think what happened that time gave him the shock he needed to, you know, stop. To understand what he was doing to himself. You know?'

Alan nodded thoughtfully. 'Well, I trust you to know what you're doing. You really have forgiven him, then?'

Dave shrugged. 'Yeah, I suppose. Seems to me like he's punished himself enough, to be honest. Couldn't see that go on.' Because I love him.

He hadn't talked much to Alan about Nick. Alan had been angrier than Dave had been himself, when he found out that Nick had cheated. For a moment, Dave had been afraid Alan would seek Nick out and actually give him a thrashing. He and Matt had had a huge row over Matt's insistence to remain Nick's friend, in spite of what Nick had done. As a result of Alan's strong feelings on the subject, Dave hadn't told him anything about what had happened in Manchester. It didn't seem like Matt knew either. If he did, Dave somehow doubted he would have been able to keep from asking Dave about it.

After the concert was over, Dave and Alan made their way over to the stage. Alan unabashedly embraced Matt and gave him a kiss. It put a smile on Dave's face. Alan had come so far, matured so much, stopped denying himself at every turn. He was figuring out how to be open and honest about how he felt, how to be in a relationship. At least someone was getting this shit right, he thought.

Zoë was there as well, hugging Nick, when Dave turned up. Dave shook Stuart's hand in the meantime. Stuart had grown on him. He knew from Matt that he'd been there for Nick a lot over the past few months, and Dave could appreciate that, knew that Nick needed friends who could be there for him. He was very happy that he'd never told Nick that Matt had confirmed his suspicions about Brian. Matt had been an invaluable ally for Nick, he knew that. All this was important.