Sin For Me (bxb)

Revealed

Thomas

I spread soap across a faded old wooden table within the study. Stacks of books had to be removed from the top, placed gently on the benches. Their yellowing pages were delicate and needed care, but so many years of use had the binding of the spine falling apart. I scrubbed the top, removing the old layers of dust and spilled wine, the original dark wood coming through the layers of grime.

Damian was napping against the bookshelf, his head dipped down with soft snores pouring out. His blonde hair had grown to its original length, the length of when he first came. But instead of the drab black he had dyed it, it was a bright icy blonde that was closer to white than yellow. His skin had tanned from the time in the green house, and his muscles toned.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He giggled, looking up at me.

"Sorry." I muttered, scrubbing back at the table.

He stood and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. There was no intense passion, or heat in his embrace. Just a calm gesture that felt more comforting than arousing. I leaned back into him, feeling him carry my weight against his chest.

I allowed myself this. I refused the disgust that attempted to rise in me. I no longer would fuel the hatred that I once allowed to fester. I was careful.

I knew I would never heal that part of me, the sickening holier than thou side of me. I knew everytime he touched me part of my thoughts would say;

This is wrong

But I know longer let it take over me. Because nothing in the world felt more right than him. Nothing felt as real.

"Um, Thomas?" A voice said.

I whipped my head around to see Hanson staring with wide, blistering, confused eyes.

My first motion was to pull away, remove Damian's arms from my waist and put space between us. The second action was to deny what he obviously had seen.

"It's not what you think, Hanson." I asserted, seeing Damian roll his eyes from the corner of my vision.

"No... it's exactly what I think," He stuttered out. His hands were intertwined with anxiety. "I've known for quite some time. The other guys too."

My eyes widened, and Damian gripped the table so hard his knuckles were white.

My mouth opened in reply but Damian cut me off, "What do you mean you know, I'm not admitting to shit."

"That you two are... well." He motioned between us with his hands.

My heart was pounding, and every part of me wanted to run.

Hanson looked away, "We don't care, of course. Its unexpected to say the least, but you're our closest friends."

"How did you know?" I enunciated with a tremor in my voice.

Hanson gave a curt chuckle, "you have seem to forgotten your room is right next to mine and Jackson's." He answered.

Damian took a step forward, "Do the nuns know?"

"Of course not!" He started quickly, "we would never tell!"

I wrung my hands together, feeling the slick soap squelch between my knuckles, "Hanson, what is it that you needed."

"Oh, um, just telling you that they're doing chore signups in the main room."

"Ok, thank you."

He stood awkwardly, Damian cocking his head towards the door. Hanson shuffled out in a hurry.

It felt like a cough was stuck in my throat. A swollen lump that instead of making me cough, it made me cry. My eyes burned with the sudden outpouring of tears.

Damian looked away, his hands not knowing whether to comfort me or to stay in his pockets, so they hung stiffly at his side.

I didn't wipe my face, or whimper. Simply allowed an easy stream of tears.

"I'm sorry." His voice carried a sympathetic note.

I shook my head, "They would have found out eventually. No matter how careful we were."

"Thomas," he grabbed my hands, tightening as if he expected me to pull them away. I didn't though. Instead I leaned forward and kissed him.

He was surprised at first, but gave in and pressed back against me.

"I'm scared, and ashamed," I whispered, "but not of you."

"You're not ashamed of me?" His forehead touched mine as his eyes stared into mine, a shy joy melting within him.

I touched his cheek, "I am the son of a prostitute, Damian. I have always been afraid of becoming her. Of becoming something disgusting. Scared of sinning, and breaking the fragility of my purity. But Damian..."

He lifted my hand to his lips, kissing softly at my knuckles.

"You're the most beautiful thing in my life. If loving you is a sin, than I am a proud sinner."

A tear dripped down his cheek as he chuckled, "are you saying you love me?"

"I've been in love with you since I laid eyes on you."

He shut his eyes as another, then another, tear fell, "I love you. I fucking love you Thomas. And if that's wrong, then I will gladly love you into hell"

I kissed him, again, then again. Over and over until I couldn't differentiate his lips and mine. Until my breath was shallow and shaky. Until my cheek were numb and my fingers were tangled in his hair.

"I will gladly be your lover, if you'll accept me." I begged, feeling his hands tighten in my hair.

"Sin for me, darling?" He asked.

"Forever." I whispered.