My Soul - Mi Alma (Ongoing)

8 New days new beginnings - maybe

When Carlos left Friday afternoon, Mick, Stuart, and I sat quietly in the roof garden. "What now, Alma?" Mick asked me. "What do you think?"  I shot back at him.

He took a sip of his wine and after thinking for a long time he said; "I like Carlos. I understand a lot more now after he told why he left six years ago. I also learned that your mama played a significant part in his leaving. Who told her? I thought Stuart and I were the only ones who knew about your relationship."

"I never told mama, I have been thinking the same thing – and her showing up here at 7:30 in the morning like she did Wednesday. I was terrified. If you and Stuart had been here, she might have discovered what this marriage is all about—being your beard."

"Alma, you are my best friend, and you will always be my best friend, yes it's much more in this relationship for me than it is for you. I know you haven't had many lovers – and I have felt bad about it. If you need to be free to be with Carlos, I will let you go. You will always be my best friend, regardless. And you deserve to be happy;" he said quietly.

"Seriously Mick! Carlos came back into my life less than a week ago. Yes, I love him – or at least  I think I do, but I always think about what if."

"Six years is a long time, he has lost his wife, and he has two sons – what if they don't like me? I think he's a bit too bossy – what if I can't handle that? "

"You overthink - you always have,"  Mick said and gave me a big hug. "And remember" – Stuart shoots in – "he is seriously hot. If I hadn't been in a lasting relationship and if he wasn't straight I would hook up with him any day." 

"That was the insight we really didn't need Stuart, but thanks regardless" – Mick and I laughed our heads off.

"Baby doll, I don't know how much longer Stuart and I can live like this, we need to show our love publicly, and to our families, we want to have a family and adopt children."

"I don't want to rush things, but I think we have to make a stand. I'm ready to come out," Mick said. "Stuart has been out for years, and his family accepts us as partners. When you go to Spain to stay with Carlos, stay with him – and for God's sake stop overthinking everything, lower your shoulders, stop being afraid of your mama's opinion. You are a remarkable woman, beautiful, strong, and independent – so if he is bossy – tell him off. But that man, who Stuart wants to seduce, is worth fighting for Alma." Mick looked me deep in the eyes; what I saw was tender concern and love. 

"So what if my mum makes another 7:30 am visit and you guys are here – what do we do?" I looked at both of my friends. "I would tell her the truth," Mick said. "Can we trust Rosa?" Stuart inquired. "Well," I said "she never told her sister Maria about the two of you, Maria works for Carlos, and he didn't know. I don't think she has said anything to mama either. If mama had known, she would have been all over me for details and made several scenes."

The dogs start barking, and I knew we had visitors. Sir Francis Bacon and Susannah Bech Sachs. "Talking about the devil", Stuart said, and made a fast exit, as so many times before.

"Hola Mama cómo estas?" I kissed her cheek. "Mi Corazon, we need to talk. She was a little tipsy and out of breath. Mick, can you get me a glass of wine?"'

"What's up, mama?"

 "Was Carlos Alvarez here Wednesday morning"  she looked me straight in the eyes. "Do you cheat on your husband with a man that left you heartbroken six years ago to be with his wife and children? I want you to stay away from him Alma, he is not good for you. There are too many skeletons in the closet regarding our family history.  Look at the president we have here in the US today; Trump would never have granted your grandfather political asylum, he would define him as a terrorist and sent him back to Spain to be hanged in prison, just like his brother was."

"What????? What the hell are you saying, mum?" 

"Both your grandparents and I have been loyal Americans since we came in 1973. It would be best if you didn't go to Madrid, don't work with Spanish art – and don't work with Carlos Alvarez – it is dangerous for all of us."

"Mama, I think there are a few things you need to explain to me. First of all - how did you know that there was a relationship between Carlos and me when I was a student, and why did you ask him to back off then, and why do you ask me to stay away from him now? - and why do you accuse me of cheating on my husband, when he is in the same room? You have never been a big diplomat - but this is rock bottom, even for you" I was furious.

Mick came back with the wine for mama and looks quite puzzled – "How can things that happened more than half a century ago possibly have any impact today? It's just a few Google searches Susannah and you find everything about Antonio Bech and "La Prensa" Most of what you want to hide is just a few google searches away -so calm down."

"Mick, you don't know, and I pray you never will. I was only 13 when I came to this country, but being the daughter of an editor critical to the Franco regime was a lesson learned. I don't want to talk about it."

And Alma, your dad, and I had to struggle really hard to get each other. Neither of our families wanted this relationship.  Regardless of what you think, or how we come across as a couple, he is the love of my life - and has been for more than 30 years."  

When you were born my papa said;  What happened in Spain must stay in Spain. Then he buried the family history in a tightly lidded jar. Don't take the lid of that jar Alma - I beg you."

"Mama, I'm going, that's my job. I'm sure nothing I will do in Spain will jeopardize dad's company, what do you think, Mick – after all, you are the next CEO?" 

"I want Alma to go," Mick said and kissed mamas cheek lightly. She gots up and left.

"What the hell was that," Mick said when mama had left.

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