My Soul - Mi Alma (Ongoing)

15 We need to talk

Carlos and I drove in silence back to his house. His arm was firmly tucked around my shoulder. "How do you feel" – he asked.

"I don't know, these last two days have been a lot to take in. There are so many things I don't understand, and even more, details that have become grimly clear to me. I need to think, and I also need to talk with you about everything. I came here to work on an exhibition with you and be with you – then my entire family history comes up, and also the closeness of our two families." 

"Why didn't you tell me this seven years ago when I had my internship here? I l looked at Carlos.  "I was in Madrid for two months, and my abuelo was still alive. I just imagine how much I would have wanted to get the stories from him and not from secondary sources."  I don't know why but I never thought about googling him. I wish I had.

"Your abuelo – well actually it might have been your father or his family behind this – either way - he didn't allow it," Carlos said.

There was never much love lost between my dad and my grandparents. According to mama, The Sachs family, including my dad, were seriously worried about the reputation of the law firm if anyone found out about granddads history. I now understand why he changed his name to Anthony Bech when he wrote in the NY Times, but I don't get why he covered all of Europe except Spain. I was a bit taken back. 

"Mi Alma – in 1977, after the first free elections in Spain, and after the Franco regime had fallen, they passed a law giving full impunity to those who had committed crimes against human rights during the Franco regime. After that, they put a lid on the entire situation. For men like your grandfather and my dad, I think it was the last blow. They had hoped for trials, where the responsible for the atrocities would be tried in a fair court, but alas - that never happened."  Carlos explained. 

I was sitting still for a while – "Seriously Carlos, this is so much to digest. I need time to think. Let's go and lay down for a bit – my head is bursting." 

We went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed, his arms tightly around my body – it felt so safe, so secure.

I had some nasty dreams when I drifted off into a stressed sleep. Spain is really getting to me. Who am I, and who were my grandparents? 

I felt Carlos soft lips on my neck and drifted into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

I was woken by my phone –"Alma!!! Baby doll, what is going on with you and that gorgeous loverboy?" Stuart's voice got me instantly in a better mood. "A hell of a lot Stuart – I seriously need to talk with you and Mick." 

"Mick, Bambi is on the phone!" Bambi???? I spoke with Mick for a few minutes, and told him about my experiences so far. He was intrigued, but no shocked -unlike me he had done his googling. Mick and Stuart were in Paris and planned to come down to Madrid on Wednesday, that was actually why they had called in the first place. 

I walked out and found Carlos sitting in the garden, reading a book. "Mi Alma!" He threw his arms around me and gave me a sweet kiss. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes Carlos, I do, and I just talked to Mick and Stuart who are coming to Madrid on Wednesday, is it ok for you that they stay with us?" I sent him a loving glace,  "So it's with us now, mi Alma, not staying at my place, but at our home" – he hummed happily. "Of course, they can come and visit, I genuinely like them both." 

I threw my arms around Carlos, "thanks," I whispered – "so many things have happened over the last two days, and I don't feel like talking to mama about it yet, she is so dark and depressing." Carlos kissed me passionately, "Mi Alma, We have spoken of our baggage earlier. You have to think of yours as one of pride." 

Pride? Yes, I guess he is right, I'm really proud of my family history.

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