You, since forever

Chapter 16

After that eventful night Haya saw less of Taimoor. Her heart ached for the loss of him. She felt like a jerk for not giving him a chance to explain. Her sanity was pleading her to give him a chance, to go after him. To seek him out but her ego was stopping her. Her ego which she thought was her self-respect.
She hadn't slept properly since that day. Her anxious mind which was filled with questions kept her wide awake.

On day one she blamed Taimoor. For everything . For lying to her, for not telling her about the bet , for betting on her in the first place. She spent all the day in anger and fury, hating on Taimoor. Why did he do this? Why break her heart after mending it . Why? She spent the day as she remembered all the bad things he had said to her in childhood, reminiscing all the disgusted looks he had passed her.

On the day two ,after she cooled down, she began missing him. He avoided her like plague. And even though that was what she wanted ,she missed him. Day 2 was spent reminiscing all the good things. How he had looked after her when she was abandoned by everyone. At the dinner table , when she sat with everyone and had to ask Aiman Appa to pass the dish that contained biryani , she realized that never before she had to ask someone at the table to pass her the dishes which were out of reach. Taimoor used to place it infront of her without her asking for it. The small things he did for her came to her which she had ignored on the first hand, making her all sad and miserable.

On the third day Haya was sinking in the river of misery and loneliness she had created around herself. By third day she had realized how wrong she was to burst on Taimoor. God, she hadn't even given him a chance to complete his sentence. And the more she thought about that night the more guilty she felt. She should have allowed him to atleast complete whatever he was saying. What would he have said ? That you are nothing more but a bet. Her conscious rebuked the idea of him feeling guilty or apologetic for the bet. And that was what her inner voice had been doing whenever she decided to seek Taimoor out.

 Her heart argued that he wasn't that cruel, her inner voice kept fighting her heart. And the tyranny was in the fact that her inner voice kept winning against her heart.

By the end of third day her mind was fogged by questions. Was he really going to divorce her ? He hadn't said 'yes' but he did say that he was going to give 'that' to her. What was that ? She had asked for the divorce. Did he mean divorce ? Chor day ga kya who mujhe ? (Is he really going to leave me ?) It was a question which had taken refuge in her mind. 

While nights were spent in the fear of him leaving her, her days were spent missing him miserably. Haya spent the days lost in her thoughts, dreading her future. She knew her parents would now accept her with open arms if Taimoor left her . The truth had come out, that too thanks too Taimoor.

 Hell and Damnation,  she loved him despite everything. She didn't want to leave him , ever. Why did I ask for divorce? Why did he agree? Does he want to get rid of me ? But then it was you, who brought divorce up ! Secondly did he not tell you , to find him when you are ready to listen! Last time he had erupted when she had mentioned divorce. This time, he hadn't pledged something like 'never in a million year'. Her mental debate continued.

Haya was lost in her thoughts, this time  when she was reminiscing that night, she was hating on her being over dramatic self . God, she didn't want divorce. She was ready to forgive him. But the 'D' word had left her mouth . Haya remembered all those Hazrat Ali(A.S) quotes she had read on Pinterest about anger management . She regretted not following them. If only she had paid any heed to the quote that said "Anger begins with madness and ends with regret" She won't be sitting on the bed alone and regretting everything she had said especially the part where she had asked for divorce. What if Taimoor too got angry and had decided to divorce her? Her fear was eating her. There was another quote of Hazrat Ali (A.S) , "Never make a decision in anger". Haya hoped that Taimoor knew of that and practiced that . Because being a Muslim, it was a done deal. Once he divorced her, she couldn't marry him again.