Starman | BTS 8th Member | *ੈ✩‧₊˚(editing)

22.

The street was empty. thankfully. none of the street lights did their job either. the place was heaven. my headache remained only dull but it prevented any thoughts of earlier from exiting my head, like some prison. 

I was confident in my self. I knew I was right. I knew that I wasn't who they said i was. but proving that was becoming harder and harder.  But then mention of my father was like some sick joke, it made me physically nauseated, so much so i threw up in a nearby drain.

i tried desperately not to think about it, but my heart kept beating. It pounded against my chest. a constant reminder that I'm alive. i hate it.

i drew my jacket closer around myself. the sun was far below the houses, the sky was now a dark red. maybe I could stay out here and slowly freeze to death, a much better option that going home. i looked at my phone, a sad feeling in my stomach. the last time I had checked it , no calls. no messages. it only made me stay out longer. but now, as I stared at the screen, it seemed an hour was all the members needed. 

7 missed calls from Jin

12 missed calls from hoseok 

5 missed calls from Jimin

5 messages from Jimin

Jimin

Jin-hyung wants you to come home

Jisung.

Please

I'm sorry

I think yoongi was just mad

you mean mental?

I was worrying them to much. Its not worth being out here i slowly walked back. my legs didn't seem to want to leave the alleyway I had settled in.

-

I was crouched beside the door at the door, my head resting in my hands. i felt like was gonna throw up again. i pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. desperately trying to think of some last-minute explanations and apologies. The stars looked like colourful lights appeared as i pressed harder. i cant cry now. I've held it in for this long i can go another hour.

the door suddenly opened and my heart dropped. it had finally stopped. i looked up, wanting to know who had disturbed my moment of concentration. my vision still swirled with colour but through the blur i could make out the broad shoulders and fluffy hair that was seokjin.

"Thank god" he whispered as he looked down at me. i  awkwardly stared at my hands again. was he happy in seeing me?

i assume everyone would be on eggshells around me. either to angry or to upset. i expect to be ignored. 

I'm terrified of jins reaction. i don't think i can even look him in the eye again. he must have almost felt lied to.

i sound so guilty even though i did nothing wrong. or did i?

"Jisung" he said his voice was unreadable. my eyes still remained unblinking on the ground in front of me, my hands balled into fists. I was terrified. i couldn't move. "jisung." he said again, this time he crouched down, 

"Jin." i said simply, as if i wasn't purposefully ignoring his gaze. I wanted to hold it, i really did. But he could tell i was upset he could tell i was uncomfortable and i hate that. i hate that I'm showing emotion. a weakness again. 

He didn't say anything, he took my arm, dragging me up and into the dorm. by the way he was dragging me i could tell he was angry.

"I'm sorry" I said over and over, i could feel my eyes start to burn as i kept preparing for it, for him to yell. my voice cracking. he only dragged me harder as we got further into the house. my head was pointed to the floor. i didn't want to make eye contact with anyone.