Dear Diary, it wasn't love

15

**

The music on the speakers begin to play quietly before Irene announces somethings one last time.

"Here is to my pledges and their handsome escorts! Enjoy your first dance!"

The music increases and the lights go on.

My eyes are still focused on Ryder as all of the escorts take a few steps towards their dates. He blinks rapidly a few times in sequence before averting his eyes to focus on Casey.

My eyes are still focused on him when I feel Nathan's strong hands take hold of my waist. He must not notice where my eyes are looking, because he remains silent as we dance to the loud music.

I try my best to focus on my footwork and try not to collide with the movements of his, but the only thing that I can focus on right now is the fact that Ryder won't look at me.

And the fact that each time I blink, my eyes water.

"Hey, Capri. Where's your head at? Be here with me," Nathan quietly says to me.

I show him my best and fakest smile, and pull him in closer so that he can no longer study my expression. I rest my head on his shoulder as we continue to dance to the slow music.

Waiting for the moment the music stops and I can get away from my date, so that I can be with someone else's.

I tell myself that I'll only look over at him once more, but I know it's a lie.

He hasn't looked my way since the kiss.

He is completely focused on Casey, and I'm completely focused on him.

"Thank you for the dance," I tell Nathan once the music stops and everyone begins to separate.

"Is everything okay? I'm sorry about the kiss."

"You said that we could just be friends. Was that just a line?"

"I meant every word about being friends, but I wanted you to know that we could be more; that you have other options instead of him; that I'm here, too. Besides, you brought me here to make him jealous, right? I figured a kiss would do the trick," he tries to hide his smile.

I can't help but share one of my own.

"Also, is it so bad that I wanted to kiss you. Are you surprised?" he asks.

"I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world."

"Go find him. I get it," he tells me with his head to the floor.

"I'm sorry," I quietly say before turning away from him in search of Ryder.

Before I can get too far, Perri puts her small hand on my back.

"What was that kiss abut!?" she asks, half excited – half worried.

"It surprised you and me both," I tell her, honestly.

"He couldn't even bare to watch, Cap. He looked almost human for a moment," she whispers.

"Rhett?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"He was watching you from the minute your name was called. My eyes were on him the entire time. He was so happy at first. Watching you walk down those steps; he didn't lose that gleam in his eyes for a second. Didn't even blink, really. His eyes stayed on you until you walked over to your spot, and then until Nathan kissed you; and in that moment he looked away and he looked crushed, babe."