Dear Diary, it wasn't love

31

Dear Diary,

It wasn't love.

That feeling in my chest? That one that restricted my breathing and made me have to grasp for air each time I was anywhere near him? The pain that would tug at me, making most days impossible to sleep or even eat without sobbing uncontrollably at the mere thought of him?

Yeah, that.

It was not fucking love.

"Capri, what did she mean by that?" Perri is careful when she approaches me with a hot mug, but asks the question that I've dodged for the better part of two days, now.

I accept the coffee from her, because if I don't, she'll start to worry more.

I can't have anybody else looking at me with so much pity in their eyes.

I can't take it anymore.

"How much did you hear?" I take a sip of the dark liquid, not caring that it's burning my lips.

Huh.

Surprising that I could still feel something.

"The end of it. The part with Ryder. That part." She's avoiding my eyes, which is fine.

"She said that my parents built the foundation from money that they stole."

I take a moment to catch my breath and will myself not to cry, before carrying on.

"She said that they stole money from dying patients."

Because our apartment is massive and relatively empty, Perri's gasp bounces off each glass wall. Sounding like more of an alarm in my ears than just a tiny sound of shock.

"That's insane, Capri. No, that's ridiculous. I'm impressed with Cassie, honestly. I didn't even know she knew how to spell, let alone be this imaginative." Perri scoffs.

"It's true."

"No, Capri. It isn't."

I stay still as I watch my best friend stand from the couch and pace circles into the marble floors.

She looks distraught.

She looks like she's handling this worse than I am, actually.

"Nope. Na-uh. We are not doing this." She points a finger at me.

"It has to be true." I speak a little quieter, now.

"And why the fuck is that? Huh? Why does anything that comes out of that bitch's mouth have to be true?" she crosses her arms over her chest and snarls.

"I think he's hacked my phone." I let out a humourless laugh.

Perri's shoulder slump, and she reluctantly sits on the leather ottoman in front of me.

"Rhe-Ryder. I think he's been hacking my messages, or listening in on my calls. It would explain how they knew about any of this."

It is the only thing that makes sense.

"Capri, why would he do that? It does not make sense!"

"Cassie said that she knew about some files on my dad's computer. She knew that my mom wanted me to ensure that everything was locked tightly. It's the truth. My mom had called me when we were at the house. She told me that I needed to get into the computer and doublecheck his black folders. Make sure that they were locked with a code, then lock the entire system, including the office door." I run my hands along my face and hope that the tears don't fall.