to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 33

October 29th, 2023

"Oh, I never been so wrapped up, honey,
I like the way you're everything I ever wanted,
I had time to think it o-over and all I can say is come closer,
Take a deep breath and jump then, fall into me..."

Beckett

Either Bailey really does have a headache and is just a jumpy and rambly hangover person, or she remembers last night and what was said and is purposefully avoiding me.

My guess was the latter.

After finding out we were tricked by her grandfather, Bailey seemed even more annoyed by my presence, despite what she said. I decided it would probably be in my best interest to let her calm down before I tried talking to her.

Meaning we sat and ate in silence, and it felt like we were back to square one. Just without the rest of our family chatting around us.

I hated it.

How had I ever been okay with this ocean of silence between us?

When we finished eating, I grabbed both of our plates before washing them and setting them on the drying rack. I could feel Bailey's gaze burning a hole in the back of my head the whole time, and that unnerved me.

Grabbing a nearby dish rag, I used it to dry my hands. Turning around, I jumped when I saw Bailey leaning against the kitchen island.

When did she move there?

"Are you busy today?" She asked, biting her cheek nervously.

"No," I answered, hanging the towel back up. She straightened and nodded her head, considering my answer.

"Do you uh, maybe want to stick around? We can watch Pretty Little Liars, if you want," she said, focusing extra hard on her white cotton ankle socks. I smiled at her invitation, thankful that biting my tongue to keep from talking during lunch gave her the time she needed to calm down.

"That might just be the best thing you've ever said to me," I replied, watching as she smiled in return before spinning on her heel and heading to the living room.

I hadn't lied earlier, I barely slept last night. Bailey's words ran through my mind like a song on repeat.

And I came to the conclusion that I was an idiot. I wasted so much time with her, time that could have been ours. If I had just grown a pair, and spoken to her years ago, maybe things would have been so different now. Or maybe if I'd asked her to homecoming sophomore year like I wanted, we could have been something by now.

So I spent half of the night running through all my missed chances through the years. But then I realized there was no point, because there was nothing I could do about the past.

But Bailey was going to Pennbrook, and so was I, so I could do something about the future. That is, if I haven't already fucked this up.

Following Bailey into the living room, I watched as she sat on the middle cushion of their three-person couch before extending her legs onto the cocktail ottoman and laying down. The AC kicked on then, and I watched from the doorway as she shivered from where she laid with the remote. I scanned the living room for a blanket, because unfortunately I didn't bring a sweatshirt this time, and luck was on my side when I saw a blanket folded along the recliner.

Smiling to myself, I grabbed it before walking to where Bailey sat and sitting myself right next to her, propping my legs next to hers. I heard her breath hitch for a second, and I distracted myself by unfolding the blanket.

When I finished, I leaned back into the cushions and spread the blanket over both of our legs. It was useless because I was already feeling warm due to how the couch dipped in my favor, causing her to lean into me. I felt her relax more as she cued up the show before pressing play, and when she leaned forward to set the remote on the ottoman, I held my breath and prayed for the best with my next move.

Now or fucking never, Beckett.

I reached out with both arms and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her back into me rather than the cushion she laid against earlier. Bailey's head landed on my collarbone, and one of her hands landed on my chest to steady herself. I readjusted so that only one of my arms stayed wrapped around her waist, holding her to me, and the other stayed on my side, picking at the threads of the blanket.

Bailey's body went rigid and she froze, and like last time, I worried she'd be able to feel how fast my heart was beating in my chest. I kept my attention on the show, and after a few minutes, Bailey shifted and I worried I'd fucked up again.

But when she just adjusted the angle she was in, and moved to turn her body so it was facing mine rather than the awkward one I put her in, I relaxed.

But then she lifted her left leg and rested it on top of my left leg, and I tensed, because part of her leg was dangerously close to somewhere far too soon to even think about. She noticed.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," she said, pulling her leg back and going to sit up. Her cheeks were crimson, and the nerves floated off her in waves. "I didn't mean to, I was just trying to get comfortable and I wasn't tryin-"

"Bailey," I laughed, using my arm still wrapped around her to pull her back down, and using my other free hand to grab her leg and put it back where she had it, but a little lower. "You're fine. I'm comfortable."

"Are you sure?" She asked, uneasily. I adjusted the blanket and turned to her with a soft smile.

"Bailey, I'm positive."

I watched as she swallowed her anxiety and settled her head back on my shoulder. Eventually her body relaxed, and I tried to ignore the fact that I still had a hand resting on her leg.

Her bare leg. With soft skin.

To stop my hand from shaking, I used my thumb to trace circles into her knee. If she felt it, she showed no reaction. I felt my lips tip up on their own accord.

Bailey and I were cuddling.

We stayed like that for a couple episodes, but by the time 4pm rolled around, I felt Bailey's breathing even out. Tilting my head down, I watched as her eyelashes fluttered peacefully while she slept. I smiled, because Bailey seemed so at ease like this. I liked it.

I liked her.

I really liked her.

Using my right leg, I managed to kick the remote into arms reach before exiting the streaming service before the next episode could start. We were officially in the early stages of season two, and I had no intent of watching it without her.

Placing my hand back on her knee, I turned back to look at the girl in my arms. Her cheekbones, no longer rosy, disappointingly so, rested high on her face, drawing everyone's attention to her smile because it had the space to be so wide it lightened up a room. And the light freckles that danced across her face. You could barely see them from afar, but up close they were significant, and during the summer they were really visible.

I don't think I'll ever get used to how beautiful she is.

I sighed, taking a mental picture of this moment before I closed my eyes and rested my head on top of hers. Crick in my neck when I wake up be damned, because it would be worth it for this girl.

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