My Crazy Luna Life

Me and You

"Be honest with me." I said.

We had both moved into the living room and were now sitting in the middle of the floor sitting across from each other the exact same way we had when I first shifted.

"Is that why you've been so distant with me lately?"

"I thought I was doing a pretty decent job at acting normal." He smirked sadly. "Truth is I genuinely felt in my heart that I was the one to blame for Ryan's death, it's my fault he went to get the car, it was my car...it was my fault."

"And I thought it was my fault" I added, "...if I had just gotten back with his brother everything would've gone back to normal and Ryan would still be here." I confessed. "I guess the real truth is that Jace is a monster for what he tried to do to you and ended up doing to his brother...things shouldn't have escalated to that point."

"You're right, it's just hard, having to go on with life knowing you're living the life that was suppose to be your best friends...why do I get to be happy, why did he have to die, he was good, he was loved, now he's gone."

I hated sitting here watching Dean battle with these internal demons I knew nothing about...I hadn't realized that he was keeping so much to himself.

"There isn't anything we can do my love, it's in the past now and we don't have a choice but to go forward...if we don't follow traditions the pack won't respect us, and if we don't have their respect someone will challenge you for the position." I said, echoing Stephanie's warning.

"Let them have it then!" He shouted.

I could tell he meant it too, "my love, do you honestly think that's what Ryan would want?"

He chuckled a little, "if he were here he'd tell me to 'man up and get over it' and I'd 'better not let some asshole stroll in here thinking he runs shit.'"

It was definitely something Ryan would say and I couldn't help but smile. "So then let's not be Alpha and Luna of this pack because we have to, let's do it because Ryan would be pissed if he found out we just gave up."

He nodded, "I can live with that."

"There something else I've been meaning to talk to you about." I announced, now my insides were truly knotting up with fear, I didn't know how Dean would take this news and seeing as he's already tried breaking up with me once tonight my nerves were all but shot.

"Well let it out love, I want to get it all on the table tonight." He said genuinely.

I didn't know how to phrase it properly, and the longer I sat there thinking about it, the more I was beginning to chicken out.

"Love whatever it is just say it, we'll work it out."

"I-DONT-WANT-TO-HAVE-YOUR-BABIES!"

I didn't mean to just blurt it out like a horrible run on sentence but the words tumbled out of my mouth too fast, and before I could stop them the sentence was formed and the shock was written clearly on his face.

"Please don't be upset, that didn't come out like I meant it to." I admitted.

"Sounded pretty clear to me Cass."

My heart ached. "My love," I said as I got up and crawled over to him, I took his hand into mine and was grateful that he didn't jerk his hand away from me. "I only meant that I'm not exactly in any rush to have kids...I adore children and I do want to have your children someday but hopefully it won't be anytime soon...to be honest I'm too young to be a mom...and on top of that a new Luna, so behind taking care of an entire pack and finishing up school, I just can't imagine a baby fitting anywhere into that right now." I said. "Plus...I'm very selfish and kind of want my Alpha all to myself for a while."

"So just to be clear you do want to have kids with me, but later on down the road?"

"Yes." I answered, still worried about the outcome.

He nodded, and then kissed me. " Honestly, I'm not too sure I want kids right now anyways, like you said, I too am selfish and kinda want you to myself too much right now to share you with some screaming little messy beast."

His words made me laugh and I kissed him out of relief, I was so glad to finally be on normal terms with my mate once again, and right in this moment it felt like us once again, no more awkward silences or lingering tensions of things unsaid.

"I love you Dean Giles...me and you forever?" I asked as I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Forever, love."

__________

Later that evening after a much needed roll around (in the living room) we had a rather late impromptu dinner of basically anything we could find in the fridge and then headed upstairs for a relaxing bath.

I filled the tub with hot water and a couple of drops of essential oils to help calm us down even more.

"I haven't even asked, how are things going for you lately?" I asked as I got into the tub.

He followed suite and I waited for him to get comfortable before continuing to sit down.

"To be honest things at work could be better, but as summer approaches so does our slow season...so it's one of my jobs to try and figure out a way to generate more revenue when the customers aren't exactly needing much lumbar at the moment." He filled me in, "as for the Alpha side...seems like everything wasn't as peachy as the old Alpha had us believe, he was prepping Ryan for a couple of alliances, this of course would open up our pack to two different packs and we'd also be allowed to visit or live in these other packs as well, peacefully." He added, "but one of the packs pulled his alliance from the table the minute he found out I am the new Alpha, seems his family and mine have a long history of hating each other."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out my love." I offered.

"I think I may have...you see, when I extended the Beta position to my cousin his pack noticed and his Alpha reached out to create an alliance with them...they're a really wealthy pack and luckily for us they aren't too far either, and as I said our pack members would be able to go and come as they please as would their pack members, this could be a very lucrative partnership."

"Meanwhile all I've done is managed to set up a dinner for the council as well as a pack party."

He kissed the back of my head, "as you mentioned earlier, we need to have the pack see us and know us so we can begin gaining their respect...and don't forget about those Werewolf lessons, I think they'd be a great addition to our pack."

I smiled, I knew I wasn't contributing nearly as much as Dean toward the pack, but I really appreciated the way he made me feel valued in all of this.