All The Little Lights // c.b

24

A week passes, and I haven't left Colby's room unless I went to the bathroom. I finally had looked at her camera after not being able to even glance at it. I borrow Colby's laptop and log into her YouTube account. Her parents had already explained what happened on her Instagram, and the comments on her videos literally made me tear up. I decided before I posted her final vlog, I would film an intro. I held up the camera and pressed record, and began.

"Hey guys, it's Josie. I don't normally vlog intros or vlog by myself at all really, but Ella had videotaped one last video for you all to see. I'm going to post it, then I don't know what we will do about her channel. Ella loved you guys so much, thank you for supporting her," I say and stop recording, uploading it to the computer and adding it into her vlog. I posted it, and closed his laptop as he comes in.

"How you doing?" He asks, sitting down and pulling me into his lap.

"I feel shitty, but I just uploaded her vlog," I say, and Colby smiles.

"She would appreciate it," he whispers, and I just nod. I pretty much cried myself out in the past week, and now I just felt lifeless, and completely unmotivated.

***

Over the next two days comments have been flowing steadily on her channel, and she even gained a couple thousand more subscribers. The comments were very sweet, and I wish I could hug each and every fan that had commented. I was feeling a bit better today, but I still felt shitty. Today I had decided to go back to the apartment, and go through my things. Her parents went through a few days ago to collect her stuff, and I was so thankful for that. I dress in a pair of leggings and one of Colby's hoodies and walk downstairs.

"Josie, where you going?" I hear Colby ask. I freeze and look back.

"To the apartment," I say, and run a hand through my hair. I still haven't dyed it back, I have felt miserable.

"Let me come," he says, and grabs his keys. I nod and let him drive me back to my apartment. I unlock the door and turn the handle, and was met with a blast of cool and stale air. It was dead silent, and it felt as if life had been completely sucked out of it. In silence, I trail my fingers over the couch mindlessly as I walk to my room. I just grab the three suitcases and roll them in Colby's direction. I fold the rest of my stuff into a duffel and throw it out in the living area as well.

"Colby?" I ask, and he comes around the turn.

"Yeah babe?" He responds.

"It's okay if I stay with you, right?" I ask, and he nods.

"Of course," he says, and I nod and leave my room and go to Ella's, which was closed. I swallow and open her door. I gaze up at her walls, which were still painted the same pale pink. Her dark desk was still under the window, and her editing microphone was still there as well, waiting to be used again. There was a dusty square from where her laptop had sat, and would never sit again. I sit down in the middle of the room and lay flat on my back, my arms crossed over my stomach.

"Jo?" Colby whispers, and I close my eyes and let the tears fall again. He walks over and lays down next to me, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. I swallow hard and look at the ceiling, where there was a photo of Ella and I tacked there. No one knew this, but Ella and I would often lay in the exact position as Colby and I were at this very moment, and look up at the picture. It was taken when we first met, and had an energy like no other picture. It gave me peace, a calming sense around me.

"Lets go now," I say suddenly, and sit up, Colby following.

"Alright," He says, and he takes me back home. The drive is quiet, and I kept my eyes on the passing scenery, scenery Ella will never be able to see again. The scenery that helped her gain her fame, Hell the city that helped her gain her fame. She will never step foot here again.

"Here," Colby says when we get to his room. He pushes aside his clothes leaving me space to hang up my stuff. I give him a hug and kiss on the cheek, and start to hang up everything, which really wasn't much. Really the only reason I needed a lot of suitcases was because half of them were hoodies. I was able to fit everything in his closet, and when I was done I turned and saw him on the couch, smiling at me.

"Why you smilin?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"You look good in my hoodies," he says smirking, and my eyes widen as I look down.

"Damn I thought you wouldn't notice," I grumble, and curl up next to him.

"You thought wrong," he says, and I open Twitter. I decide to check my directs, which were in the hundreds, and surprise a fan with a message from me. I open the fifth one down, and I immediately felt my eyes tear up.

Username is made up :)

EJVlogsTrash - hi Josie, I doubt you will ever see this but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I watched Ella's vlogs since the first one she did, and she always made me smile. I was so lucky to be able to meet her (as well as you actually) at the meet and greet a while ago. Ella was so sweet and she was so lucky to have you as a friend. I hope you are doing okay, and I'm really happy that you posted that last vlog. I can't imagine how hard it must've been to post it ❤️

I show my phone to Colby, and wipe my eyes a bit.

"That's so sweet," he comments, and massages my thigh as I type back an answer

JosieSutton - I'm so glad you got to meet her at the meet and greet, makes my heart happy 😊 thank you for your kind words as well, I appreciate it very much

I send the message and screenshot the girls name so I could check back on her later, and do the same for a few other girls. I never really communicated with fans before now but I know Ella did, and in that moment I decided this was how I would keep Ella alive in my eyes. It's such a simple act, but I know how much the fans meant to Ella.