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— THE SILENCE BETWEEN THE TWO WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. Anthony had gathered all his painting things and set them up on a small table next to his easel. Jasper finished looking around and came to sit on the couch next to him.
Once a canvas had been set up, Anthony found himself staring at the blankness and wondering what sort of story he should paint on it.
Jasper got comfortable on the cheap material, shuffling around to lean back against the cushions before looking up and studying Tony's face.
"What is it?" He asked, searching through the emotions Anthony had.
Tony just sighed and pulled up his stool.
"I don't know what to paint."
Jasper glanced at the Swan's old sketchbook, sitting closed on the desk.
"Paint what you want to see."
Anthony stared at Jasper with a pointed look.
"I can't- I can only- I can't paint-..." he sighed and composed his thoughts. "I can't paint what I want to see."
"And why not?" The blond asked.
It was quiet. The CD had ended a few minutes ago so the only other sound was rain pattering against the garage door.
"Because a few months ago all I wanted to see was nothing." Tony squeezed his eyes shut before turning away from Jasper's view and picking up his palette, covered in dry paint from when he was younger and didn't know how to properly wash his art supplies.
Jasper's eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion, he felt Anthony's guilt creeping up on his subconscious and desperately wanted to help calm him down. Though he also felt if he did that, Tony would become more bottled up than before.
"What do you mean?" Jasper could barely get out his sentence before Tony had snapped.
"I mean I wanted to die, Jasper." He tried to sound angry, if only slightly, at the blond's prying, but he only sounded defeated. His throat closed up on his words and it sounded more like a sob than a bark of anger. "It was everyday- treatment after treatment each one leaving me breathless and in pain. I tried to stay optimistic when I got there, but then they said I had gone terminal?" Tony hung his head and clutched the side of the stool with his left hand, as if trying to keep himself on the ground.
"I had never wanted anything more than to just not exist." He muttered, his right hand clenched into a fist. With his eyes closed, the sudden cold against this hand came as a shock, but slowly he loosened his fist and intertwined his fingers with Jasper's. "Do you understand the amount of stress I had put on Bella?" Anthony continued, his voice becoming softer.
