the roommate contract - todomomo

two \\ "the roommate contract" pt. 1

It had been a week since Momo Yaoyorozu moved in and so far, the guys were finding it to not be that much of a change. Aside from the occasional outburst from Denki over not being able to find his "favorite shirt" (which was every shirt, by the way) becuase Momo had done them the clear disservice of cleaning their dirty laundry with the help of Izuku, everything was normal for them. For them. 

Momo, however, was quite far out of her element. For one thing, when she used to live with her best friend Jirou, she never had to worry about waking up to the smell of burning becuase someone thought it would be a good idea to microwave toast instead of putting it in the goddamn toaster oven. For another thing, Jirou actually put her dirty clothing where it was supposed to go and Jirou didn't down an entire gallon of milk at two am or get so drunk that she ran around the apartment and knocked herself out on the glass door to the patio. And that was just Denki! Shouto was so much worse. 

There were multiple times over the course of one week that she had been woken up in the middle of the night by something that sounded suspiciously like screaming but turned out to just be two people fucking in the room across the hall. And god forbid she get upset with him for leaving dirty laundry on the floor becuase then he would devolve into a literal child and say, "yeah, well I lived here first," or "I never asked you to pick up my stuff." 

In fact, Izuku was the only semi-normal one in the loft. He was really the only one that made the other two tolerable. He helped with cleaning, cooking, shopping for food and things that roommates were supposed to help with. But even he had his moments of insanity that made Momo think she might just be living in a fever dream. For instance, one time, when Momo stirred in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, she walked in on a half-dressed Izuku who had gotten so sleep deprived that, after running out of coffee, began to chug a bottle of canola oil. Canola oil. She hadn't been the same sense. But that wasn't even the big issue. 

The biggest issue was that Denki and Shouto barely treated her like she lived there. They did weird shit, expected her to clean it up, and got mad when she confronted them about it. 

This is why, on the seventh day, a sunny Saturday morning, Momo decided she couldn't take it anymore, nor would she. She lived there too. She paid money to live there. And there was no way in hell that she was spending another night in an apartment that smelled like microwaved toast and had walls so thin you could hear someone peeing. 

"Don't move from your sitting positions or I will hide the coffee somewhere you will never find it," Momo slammed her hand on the kitchen island where the three men sat with disheveled hair and tried eyes, sipping on the only thing that was keeping them standing. 

"We can just buy more," Shouto shrugged apathetically, barely even processing what she was saying before taking another large sip of the bitter, caffeinated substance. Momo just looked livid as she said,

"Oh, okay. And which one of you wants to take time out of your day to go to the store?" There was silence in response to her question, just as she had been expecting. Normally, Izuku would've volunteered, but Saturday was one of his few off days, and hell if he was going to spend it getting coffee for Shouto and Denki. He drank tea. "That's what I thought," Her eyebrows furrowed as she slapped a piece of paper down on the table and began to scribble something at the top. The guys looked on with tired curiosity, but none of them made any moves to see what it was. 

When she finally finished, she held up the paper delicately between her thumb and index finger and said, "The Roommate Contract," The white sheet boasted a title at the very top of the paper that mimicked her words in perfect handwriting that even a computer couldn't match. "This is going to be our set of agreed-upon rules for living here." 

"Woah, okay, rules?" Shouto looked less than excited about the idea. The only rules he'd ever had to abide by when he lived with just his guy friends were simple: don't have sex in each other's rooms, don't pee on the walls. But he got the feeling that Momo's rules weren't going to be so easy to follow. "How many rules?" 

"As many as it takes for you guys to be functioning adults," Was her simple answer as she frowned at them. They looked at her as though she had just said something both offensive and untrue. In reality, it was only the first one. 

"That hurts, but I don't really do rules in my own house-"

"Our own house now, Shouto Todoroki," Momo cut him off before he could make the argument he'd used to many times with her over the past seven days. It had only been a week, she shouldn't know how he was going to respond every time she criticized him yet. But somehow, she did. 

"Fine, whatever, our house. I'm just saying. We should be comfortable in our own apartment," Shouto shrugged, and, much to Momo's annoyance, Denki nodded in agreement. 

"Well, I'm not comfortable in our own apartment," It was true. She'd had one good night of sleep since she'd been there and that was when Izuku and Denki had been forced to drag a black-out drunk Shouto home by the legs. What she wouldn't give for one night of actual sleep or a normal morning where there wasn't something on fire. 

"Why?" Denki asked innocently and Momo nearly snapped. Why? Why? How could she not be uncomfortable with roommates like them? She was paying money for the privilege of watching Denki electrocute himself on a charging cable.

"Becuase my one of my roommates thinks it's a good idea to microwave food items that shouldn't be microwaved, another one can't keep it in his pants for a single night, and the last was found chugging canola oil at midnight. And only one of you has helped me clean up your clothes that you left on the floor in the past week," Momo was trying not to yell but her discontentment with her current living situation and lack of sleep were getting to her. She knew she would regret looking for a new roommate...but let's face it, her options were limited: One) get a crappy apartment in an unsafe neighborhood with a bitch of a commute, or Two) have roommates. 

"I only microwaved bread, a marshmallow peep, and two oranges. And only two of those four things caught on fire," Denki defended himself poorly and Momo shook her head in confusion. How did that make anything better? He shouldn't be microwaving anything unless it was supposed to be put in the microwave. 

"Wha- I don't even know what to say to that!" Momo felt like she was going to lose it as she stood there. She was talking to three brick walls that didn't know how to tie their own shoes, much less be grown-ups. 

Yes. It's actually true. Denki's footwear was limited to crocs and velcroe shoes because he didn't know how to tie laces. He was aiming to apply to law school, and he didn't know how to tie his own shoelaces. He was going to try and pass the bar exam, and he didn't know how to tie his own shoelaces. 

"You know what, I'm going to try and be as calm about this as possible when I say, you guys need my money. I need to be able to go to sleep and not be woken up at twelve by the sounds of two people having intercourse. I need to be able to take a shower in the morning without walking in on Shouto naked. And I need to not step on another anything from Victoria's Secret or I swear to god-" She inhaled deeply, calming herself. "Apeshit, remember?" 

She clicked the top of the pen as she continued, "Each person makes one rule. Okay?" There was a moment of silence in which Momo could clearly see their expressions written on their faces. Shouto was debating whether to be stubborn about it and give her a reason to torment him or just give in, Izuku was wholeheartedly agreeing to her terms, and Denki was probably thinking about the results of microwaving a jelly-bean. 

"Okay, fine." 

»—————————–✄ ~à suivre