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We sat in silence for a few seconds before anyone said anything. Neither of us looked at each other. I stared at the ground while Andrei played with his pants at the knee.
"Everything ok?" I finally asked when the silence built the tension to a peak.
"Is it Y/N?"
"Well, I don't know. I-"
"It's not, it hasn't been. What happened to us? We made such a cute couple. We were perfect together, now everything's a mess" he ran his hand through his hair taking a deep breath.
"We were perfect together, I have no idea where we went wrong. I've been trying to figure that out myself so I figured I better just give you some space to breathe and...well to be honest, I was hoping you wouldn't hate me anymore after"
"Hate you? Y/N, I don't hate you. I've never hated you. How could I? I loved you"
"That's-thats just what it seemed like" I stuttered out turning my face down so he couldn't see my expression of hurt. That was the first time he'd ever told me he loved me and it was past tense.
Loved. As in used to, as in doesn't anymore.
"I guess I just...didn't know how to handle it. I should have just talked to you but I didn't. I guess I could have handled it better, maybe if I did I could have changed your mind who knows" he rambled.
"Changed my mind?" I finally looked up at him. "Did you forget you were the one who suggested ending things?"
"You weren't supposed to agree with me. I was mad and I was frustrated but I never wanted to give up on us, when you agreed so quickly I assumed there was no reason to argue. I figured you'd made up your mind"
"When you told me 'maybe we just don't belong together' I took that as you giving up. My will to fight was gone" I turned away from him again.
"I told you I could have handled things better" he said softly.
I wanted to laugh. In the midst of being so angry, hurt and bitter about everything that happened he made me want to laugh. I didn't know how he did it.
"You think?" I finally said holding back a laugh.
He slightly chuckled making me smile. For a split second it seemed like we could get back to the way we were before, and that scared the hell out of me. Not because I didn't want things to go back to the way they were, but because I suddenly had hope that that could be a reality and if there wasn't a chance that little strand of hope would break my heart all over again.
"I miss you, you know?" he said quietly after a few seconds of silence.
"I know now. I miss you too you know?" I finally got the courage to look at him.
"I know now" he smiled.
"Ugh, I hate it" I exclaimed throwing my head in my hands.
"That I...miss you?" He asked confused.
"That I miss you, that everything ended so terribly and mostly that Haydn was right" I sighed.
"Right about what?"
"That it would end badly" I still left my head in my hands.
"He said that?" He had a hint of shock in his voice.
I finally picked my head up to look at him.
"He did, and I should have listened to him" I exhaled.
"You regret being with me?"
Just asking that question seemed to cause him pain.
"No. I mean, on some levels yes because I wouldn't be hurting right now, I wouldn't know what it feels like to be loved by you and I wouldn't have to live the rest of my life knowing I'll probably never be loved like that again...or that I'll never love anyone again like I loved you. But mostly no, I don't regret it, because I wouldn't give up experiencing that for anything."
It was silent for awhile. I don't think either of us knew what to say. I hadn't realized I shared so much of my feelings until it was already all out in the open. I was about to get up when he finally spoke.
"Hey" it was soft but it was something.
If I wasn't really listening I would have missed it all together. I brought my eyes to his as his pointer finger gently rubbed my cheek.
"You loved me?" His face was serious.
"I'm not sure I ever really stopped" I swallowed hard trying to keep the tears that were threatening to spill at bay.
He took a deep breath and grabbed one of my hands in both of his.
"If we love each other, why are we doing this to ourselves then?"
"What?" I asked confused.
"I want to be with you. What happened, happened I can't change that as much as I wish I could. But I don't want to give up on us, I want to keep fighting no matter how hard it is. I love you, that's not changing."
Before I could even process what I was doing, my free hand was in his hair pulling him towards me. The moment our lips met it felt like nothing had changed, but they had. His kiss was more loving, more fierce than it had ever been. A fire had been ignited between us, a fire neither of us knew we were slowly smothering.
"I don't want to fight with you anymore" I said breathlessly pressing my forehead to his.
"I don't want to either, and we don't have to."
I squeezed my eyes closed hoping for the best outcome of what I was about to ask.
"Can we give this another shot? We can work at not fighting about the dumb little things and focus on more communication. I can't be without you anymore, I love you too much" I finally let a few tears fall.
"Hey baby," he started as he rubbed at my tears. "You were never without me, I was always yours" he pressed his lips to mine again making me smile.
It felt like nothing had happened, like we were never apart. Three weeks of absolute hell gone, like they didn't matter. I knew we would use those three weeks as a lesson and a stepping stone for our renewed relationship.
"Glad to see you're enjoying your lemonade!" I heard Haydn's voice yell making me pull away from Andrei.
Haydn stood giving us a thumbs up as I rolled my eyes.
"Lemonade?" Andrei rose an eyebrow.
"He was supposed to be getting me lemonade" I lightly laughed.
"When he came to talk to me?" He questioned curiously.
"He went to talk to you?" I asked confused. I had no idea he went to talk to Andrei.
"Yeah before I came to find you, he told me to stop being an idiot and fix things" he chuckled.
"Hmm, I guess you were my lemonade then." I giggled.
"I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing to be someone's lemonade" he laughed.
"It's good honey, it's very good" I smiled.
Turns out Haydn was wrong after all, although he was right about one thing. I definitely needed lemonade.
