The Alpha's Melded Mate

The One With the Realization

It felt like someone was dissecting me; each agonizing moment worse than the last. It was as if Neal had pulled my heart from my chest with his bare hands, but I just wouldn't die. 

In order for it to work, we both had to be on board. 

I was alone. 

Alone in the dark hurt the most, but I couldn't have stood there any longer. He would have either left me to go to her, or she would have joined us outside. Neither option seemed all that great.

I ran until I was deep in the woods. I wasn't even sure if I was still within the pack boundaries, but at this point I wasn't too concerned. 

Maybe I should keep running. Run until I can't anymore. Find a new pack who would be thrilled to have a Mentalist on their side. 

But I couldn't leave without saying anything to Abi or my mom. 

How could I face my mom? What did it mean that I was all in despite what his family had done to mine, and that he was the unwilling party?

I slowed to a jog. I closed my eyes and listened closely. 

Nothing other than the rustling of the night wild life. I took a seat at the base of a giant tree, nestled between the roots like a cradle. I sent up a small prayer to the goddess to watch over me. The last thing I needed were hunters from a nearby pack coming across me in the middle of the night. 

The pounding in my heart started to slow, giving way to the ache. My body shook with the pain and I let out a slow breath. I called on my power to sooth the pain. It flowed through me like a heat pack layered on my body. 

My fingers ran through the blades of grass on the ground between them. My power seeped through me and out. I built up a shield around me. 

I had no idea how long it would last. Would it go out when I fell asleep? Would I even fall asleep? Would it hold all night? I didn't know. 

My body tingled as the warmth flowed through my veins, my body getting lighter and lighter. It was almost as good as a drug. It felt like the power was trying to stitch my soul back together after Neal had torn it to shreds. 

Neal.

Despite the barrier blocking everything within a three foot radius, I could feel him. He never knew how to leave well enough alone. 

Or perhaps he secretly enjoyed the pain that he inflicted. 

"Go. Away!" I pushed my shield out as I shouted, trying to keep as much distance as possible between us. I continued to push the shield out further and further until I finally felt the resistance of him. About a mile out. 

Under any other circumstance, I would have been proud of the new record. 

I could feel Neal ram his shoulder into the invisible barrier in front of him. Then it was almost as if he were interacting with it. It was like I could feel him, feel his hands pressed firm against the space in front of him, pressing against the wall of power. 

I could feel him. It was the first time I could feel all of him. It wasn't me tip toeing around in his head, and it wasn't the stone-cold nothing I normally felt. He dropped the shield and was letting me feel inside him. 

I feel his worry, his frustration, and that burning desire reflected back at me that we both felt for each other deep inside, but most important, I could feel his fear of losing me. 

He was actually letting me see inside so I knew he was telling me the truth, this honestly wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be bound to the perfect goddess, Ophelia. 

This time I could hear his words in my head, "I swear to the goddess that I have not touched her, other than what has been required in public."

I sobbed again. They were the words that I wanted to hear, that I had hoped I would hear without knowing it. And yet I somehow distrusted those words. I could feel it, and I wanted it, but something in me stopped me from fully trusting. 

I pulled my shield in until it was a half mile out. As soon as it had started to shrink, the connection had been severed. It was like Neal had been reaching out only specifically through the barrier. 

I wondered just how much control Neal had. This went beyond his excuse of common courtesy to the pack Mentalist. 

It had to have barely been a minute, but Neal was pressed against the barrier again. His feelings and thoughts flowed over me until I was consumed by them. I could feel him replaying our encounter in his mind. Feeling everything he felt exactly when he felt it. The joy when I told him that I wanted to give us a shot. The shock he felt when Ophelia had called him, and the despair when he realized what his most likely fate was. 

I could feel it in there though. There was a small sliver of hope. 

Neal wanted this. Well, not this, but us. 

We both knew it all came down to timing. If only things had happened a little sooner, before talks of unification had even begun. 

I knew it was more complicated than I wanted it to be. I could feel the weight of this pressing down on him through the connection. 

I pulled the shield further in until it was just a few feet out. I had needed a break however short from the pain I had felt coming off him. The complete hopelessness. 

It was just under a minute until I saw him standing in front of me. 

My heart squeezed at the sight. His hair was slightly tousled. His eyes were wild. 

The look in his eyes drew out something primal deep inside me. I wanted to drop the shield and close the distance immediately. Maybe the way to ease the pain was to get closer. Closer until our bodies pressed firm against each other, our mouths devouring one another. Maybe then our pain would stop. 

No. I mentally shook myself free from the desire. It was harder to get through when I could feel his desire reflecting within my own. It was stronger. 

"I do want to choose you. Every fiber of my being wants to choose you, Cynthia," he said as he pressed his hands against the barrier. 

"I know," I whispered. Tears streamed down my face and I tilted my head down.

No matter what he chose, he would lose. 

It didn't matter that I was his mate, he would still lose. He would lose men. The other pack would see the act as a personal betrayal. This wasn't just a matter of declining a proposal or cancelling a wedding...

Choosing me would be an act of war.