Yoongi's Rules • MYG

Twenty Seven

You froze, his words were harsh, and he'd raised his voice at you. Yoongi never raised his voice unless he was rapping, it was literally the only time you'd heard him aggressive. He was angry now, he threw down the towel he'd been holding to the floor and stormed back to the stove ignoring you.

Yoongi was right, you should leave. How completely absurd of you to walk in here and cry to him that you couldn't see him anymore. You came here knowing you'd hurt his feelings, he'd bared his heart for you and you'd stomped all over it. But you were going to stand in his apartment and act like the one who needed comforting? You'd leave like he said, message him in a day or two about why you made this choice.

You retreated down the hall ignoring everything you passed, your pounding heart rushing blood through your ears, and your sobs distracting you from anything but grabbing your purse and bailing. You reached for the purse dangling from the coat rack but your fingers missed, you were spinning back toward the kitchen.

"Walk out that door and I'm not chasing you. I'm never chasing you again Y/N." Yoongi dropped his arms to his sides stepping backward, as though disgusted by the thought of touching you again. You glanced down at your wrist which he's used to spin you around.

"I'm sorry Yoongi, if you understood-," you started.

"No, don't you dare fucking justify what you're doing, it's bullshit. You're scared, you're a coward." Yoongi's voice was rising in pitch and tears were in his eyes.

"Yoongi." You walked toward him and he turned retreating into the hallway, you followed as though connected to him by an invisible tether. He froze and looked back at you, startled to see you'd followed him.

"You never call me anything but that, not a single term of endearment, not a pet name, nothing. I lied to myself when I thought you had feelings for me, you clearly don't." He sounded like he was choking on unshed tears. This man who could spill words from his mouth at record pace on stage and in the studio struggled to get out two sentences.

"That's not-," he silenced you again with a glare that instantly had you biting back your words. You couldn't bring yourself to speak his sorrow was cutting into your stomach like an actual knife, but you'd stopped your tears because you didn't deserve their luxury.

Yoongi was lifting his albums off the wall, one after the other, stacking them on the floor. You wanted to question him, wanted to stop him, he was too rough, you heard the glass crack more than once as he added frame after frame to the stack. When the last one was off the gray expanse he walked toward you, grasping your shoulders and pressed you back onto the cleared space.

"Do you see these walls Y/N? What are they?"

"Empty."

"Exactly, they're empty, they have nothing. That was my life before you tried to take me out with your stupid car. It had these decorations, it had these achievements, but I was always fucking alone. Always sad, depressed, finding every excuse to be busy but no accomplishment made me feel right." He yanked away from you and kicked the stack of albums.

"Stop, those mean something! Don't break them." You grabbed his arm drawing him away.

"No Y/N, you stop. We mean something, and you have no issue breaking us." Yoongi was crying now, angry tears that made his eyes red rimmed, his dark locks clung against his forehead with the sweat that was forming.

You were stunned. What was he saying, that despite filling his days with all the things he loved, throwing his passion out into the world, he wasn't happy? But you knew that, you'd sat in this apartment at his table and heard him tell you that. 'I'm always surrounded by people, my group, fans, but I'm lonely'. He had success, money, projects that excited him, hobbies, and friends. He had all the things that you were trying to surround yourself with, how could he possibly need anything more?

"I don't understand." Your words drifted out, softly, confused. You meant them, you just didn't get it. "All I want is to not feel like I felt all those months I was alone. I felt like I wasn't even living, just checking off the boxes of existence. Then you inspired me to step outside of that cloud I'd put myself under."

"And now you're just throwing me away?" He brushed his tears away, anger returning to the thrust of his shoulders, rolling off his words.

"Before you do it, yeah." There was the truth of it, something that Amelia had pointed out to you last night.

After she'd validated that you were needy, whiny, and afraid of change she'd reminded you that Yoongi had made you grow past those things. She'd tried over and over to change your mind, but when you put your foot down, adamant that Yoongi would grow tired of you when you turned back into the needy dependent girl she gave up. She was sad for you, sad that you'd put fear of being left behind ahead of the chance for happiness.

"Before I throw you away? How many different ways do I have to say how badly I want you kitten? I stopped myself from treating you like a one night stand, gave you space when you asked for it, fired my assistant, tracked you down through surveillance tapes and car services, sat outside your apartment for hours, knowing I could get exposed. I refused to take you into my bedroom until you were sure about us and waited a month while you gave me every signal that you weren't. I confessed that I love you, knowing you weren't going to say it back. What more can I do?" You were stunned as he listed all the ways he was trying to win your heart. Could you have made any list at all about what you'd even done to earn the love he had for you?

"You're a fucking idol Yoongi, there's absolutely no reason for you to want me. I'll sacrifice everything to be with you, and you'll never have time for me anyway. And I'll be mad at you, I'll guilt trip you, I'll make you hate me, and you'll wonder why you ever wasted any feelings on me at all." You were yelling now, shouting the reasons you'd decided to end things in his face.

"Y/N, shut up." He pulled you into his space, fingers wrapped around your biceps. He was still angry and tense. "Just tell me you're a coward and get out."

"I'm a coward." And then you leaned upward as tall as you could make yourself and kissed Yoongi with everything you had.