The Hate Between Us (Percabeth&Solangelo)

Chapter Fourteen: Decisions, Decisions

Piper POV

Look in the mirror, tell me what do you see?

What am I supposed to say to that? I'm confused, I'm not really me anymore – or whoever I was just isn't there. I've got the same skin, the same face, the same long flowing hair that pisses me off. I've got the same eyes, those fucking eyes that always grab people's attention when really I don't want them to look. I got them from my Mother – gods, I wish she was still here. She was fiery, always telling people to fuck off and mind their business. I wish I had a bit of that confidence in me now. Because that's all I feel like doing – telling those people that say 'hey, you should be a model' to just. Fuck. Off.

I'm doing well in school – I am, and nobody seems to notice. And if they do they say 'but why? It's not like it matters!'. Well it matters to me. Did you ever think about that, Jason? Did you ever wonder what I wanted? Because I don't want to be an actress – gods know it never did my Mother any good. I want to fend for myself and fight for myself and not have to put on an act for the cameras. Is that too much for me to ask for? I've got amazing friends who I don't have the courage to talk to, and a boyfriend who I fight with constantly, and the girl from the coffee shop who I can't get out of my head, and I wish she'd go away because since the moment we met I haven't been able to think straight. No pun intended.

I don't know who I am. Senior year came along, slapped me in the face and screamed "wake up call, life changes and you change with it!". I wasn't expecting that. No one told me that would happen. Everything is happening all the time, and the worst thing is you can't sit someone down and ask them for advice because they're probably going through just as much shit as you. That's the icing on the cake. We're all just lost, really, stumbling through our adolescence hoping that in adulthood we can land on our feet. But what I've seen from my parents is there's bills to pay and funerals to arrange and just as much drama as there is in high school, only this time there isn't a guidance counsellor handing you a leaflet about 'Forgiveness'. So no, I don't know what I see. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'll become. 

I'll get back to you when I work out how that makes me feel.

After the game

She sat at the window seat, reading a book casually, pretending to not notice me staring at her. She was good at that, pretending not to notice things, because if either of us showed how we actually felt then the act would be up – we'd have to admit that this was more than just a friendship. So I was grateful for her naivety. It meant I got to stare at her a little longer, admire the smoothness of her skin and the gentle look in her eyes from a distance. Resisting the urge to pull her closer to me.

Finally, she placed the book down next to her and smiled up at me. I smiled back, enjoying the moment.

"What're you thinking?" She asked softly. I rested my chin on my knee.

"Guess," I whispered.

She took in a deep breath and thought for a while. "You seem lost."

I looked away from her. "There's just a lot going on at the moment, Shel."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

No. I don't like talking to you about Jason, it makes me feel guilty.

"Whatever it is you're going through," she said, avoiding Jason's name as best she could. "I'm always here to help."

I turned to face my mirror, staring at my features unhappily. I felt like leaning forwards and punching my reflection, feeling like it was somehow to blame. Shel appeared behind me and stared at the two of us.