The Hate Between Us (Percabeth&Solangelo)

Chapter Twenty-Eight (Continued): Time Flies

Annabeth POV (continued):

Dear Thalia,

It's been a while since I wrote to you last. I remember when you died, and how I felt so lost that I had no one left to talk to, so I would write all these letters to you and pretend that you were reading them. Sometimes I would imagine that you wrote letters back to me, and I got so excited I would stand by Chiron's front door for hours, waiting for the post to arrive. It always surprised me when you didn't, so I think I must have given up one day. But I know now that I had written to you because I had a feeling so strong inside of me, I needed to write the words down to release it. The feeling, back then, had been heartbreak. Pain, from losing you.

But now I write for a different reason. I have another overwhelming feeling. This time it's love.

I've met a boy, Thals. I know that, if you were here today, you would make a face at me and pretend to throw up. In your big dreams for the two of us to become successful, you never once had any time or interest in boys. But I think you'd like this one, Thals. He sometimes reminds me a little of you. He's funny, impossibly funny, and makes me happy whenever he's around. He's brave, too, and so fucking determined at everything he does. He loves a challenge, he shows a loyalty I fail so often to see in others, he's fierce and relentless and kind. So kind, so gentle. I like his honesty, his vulnerability. I've broken down his walls, I think, and I may just be the only one in his life that knows the true him. And he's mischievous, just like you, he's got a cheeky sort of grin.

He's also broken, Thalia. I hate to say it, but I remember that about you too. Can't you remember that the reason you had all these big dreams for the two of us was because you wanted to escape your own reality? Can't you remember that the reason you wanted to help me so much, the reason you wanted to fix me, was because you couldn't find a way to fix yourself? I see that in Percy, now. He's riding all his hopes and dreams on one plan, and I don't know what will happen to him if it doesn't work out. It's eating him alive, and the best thing I can do is be there for him, but I also fear that it won't be enough.

Was I enough for you? Forgive me for asking, Thalia, it's just that everyone I've ever loved has abandoned me – I sometimes feel like my love is destructive, or worse, irrelevant. And I know you didn't leave on purpose, but I still feel like your death was, in some way, a cruel trick played by the gods. I don't want Percy to face the same fate. To be taken from me, or to leave voluntarily.

Well that... that would just break me.

***

Dear Thalia,

Yesterday, Percy took me on my first proper date ever. He surprised me after school and took me to "Demeter's Garden" on 52nd. I thought it was so romantic, especially because his Mom had told us that this restaurant was where she had gone on her first date with Percy's Dad.

Did I tell you that I had once convinced myself I hated Percy? He had been my 'rival', as I had thought. I had spent so many hours of the day thinking about all the ways I hated him. Of course, what I know now, is that it had always been love. I was afraid of love, you see, because before now I had never seen it do any good. Piper always used to ask me why I never dated anyone, especially when so many people would ask me out. Well, if you were here you would have said "What's the point? Love never works. Annabeth's parents are divorced, and you can tell how much that fucked her up just from looking at her. Luke loved me and I died and look where that left him! Jason even cheated on Piper, even though we had all thought that had been a relationship built to last!".

But Percy's different. I can feel it. Remember how I said I had broken down his walls? Well he's broken down mine, too.

On the date, the two of talked and talked for hours. Couldn't stop. We talked until the restaurant closed and the waiter was forced to kick us out. And when we got out onto the sidewalk, Percy took my hand so smoothly, as if my hand was made to fit into his, and he walked me home. It was freezing, we should have got a cab, but Percy said he wanted to spend as many seconds with me as he could, and who was I to object?