26 - Fuck Feelings

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Kaiden

Tuesday dawns gloomy as hell, with the temperature dropping lower, reflecting my mood. And well, my face.

"You look awful!" Raven gasps when I approach her in school.

Nathan is sitting with her at the amphitheatre. They're alone so I probably interrupted them. They hang out a lot these past few days. Raven is always with him, always talking about him. I'm dying inside but I can't shit on her happiness for my own. She's my best friend.

At least Nathan might like her eventually. I hope he doesn't break her heart as well. Raven gets hurt easy.

"I know," I sigh, sitting beside her anyway, ignoring Nathan again. I have to pretend he doesn't exist or I will never ever get over him because he is a) extremely handsome and b) a very good friend.

"I'm so fucking glad my parents are not home for the week. What would I even say to them?" I laugh and wince at the pain that shoots through my skull.

Raven examines my face closely.

"He left several good marks, you look like you've been dragged through the ground! Your jaw is purple."

"Why didn't you bandage your knuckles?" Nathan asks.

I don't answer, just shrug, looking at the people going inside school instead.

"You went batshit. It was terrifying to watch. What got into you? You've literally never been violent!" Raven asks.

I roll my eyes and wince. I can't even do that, my whole face is sore.

"Did you at least take painkillers?" Nathan asks, putting a flower from the nearby bush in Raven's hair. She blinks and then blushes furiously.

"Hm," I nod, trying to ignore that gesture. It was so fucking cheesy and definitely not platonic.

The bell goes off and I hurry inside. I can't bear to see them together, all lovey dovey. I want to scream at him - why not me? But then what? He can't get feelings for a guy if he's straight! If Nathan says he's straight, then that must be the truth. 

"Nice face, Pierce," Adrian sneers at me near the lockers, despite looking clearly worse off. His nose is bandaged and he has a black eye.

"I swear to God, if you don't stop talking to me, or even breathe in my general direction ever again, I will cut your tongue and staple it your balls!"

His smile falls when the entire corridor bursts into laughter. I wasn't exactly quiet when I said that.

"Fuck you," he snaps and walks off.

I slam my locker shut and storm to homeroom. It's going to be a long ass day, with the upcoming detention after school.

"Woah, what is with that murderous expression?" Ryan asks, catching me near his class. "Man you look like you got molested!" he laughs.

"Nothing. Just keep Adrian away from me or I'm definitely going to kill him," I sigh. I am really strung up and it will be too easy to trigger me today. I want to go to a forest and scream my lungs out.

Ryan nods and parts ways. I can barely focus on the English Lit class, with Raven and Nathan sitting in front. I hate this.

Fuck feelings....

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