Invincible

ninety-one

hey guys! I'm sorry for the wait and for the fact this is kinda a filler chapter - updates are gonna be sporadic from now until 17th june, which is when my a-levels finish and i leave school forEVER AND EVER!!! but yeah for now i have to revise and stress and all that fun exammy stuff :(( thank you for all your lovely support on this story, you're the best ! xxx

When Jared's eyes edged open it was to find the room awash with the weak midday light that had seeped its way through the curtains. Isaac was awake, eyes open as he lay on his back, away from Jared and staring at the ceiling. Jared wanted to pull him back into a hug as the memories of last night came flooding in (because he'd come so close to losing him, so close to losing this fragile human who meant everything, everything to him.)

Isaac must have noticed he was awake because he said,

"I'm sorry, J," in a grey voice that made a lump form in Jared's throat.

"Not your fault," he said, trying to sound firm. He reached an arm across and pulled Isaac's unresponsive hand into his, squeezing it tight. It would've been impossible not to (he had to make sure Isaac was really beside him). And then he found he couldn't let go, not now, even though Isaac was just lying there and not squeezing back. "You don't have to apologise for not being- well."

Isaac gripped his hand then, just minutely, and it felt like he had Jared's heart in his palm instead of his fingers and it was fucking terrifying, loving someone like this. He couldn't pinpoint for the life of him where it had started - when he'd started loving this boy - but now he'd noticed he was pretty sure it must have been a part of him for a long time, because it felt like something he would never be able to dig out from his pores, something that ran through him like words in a stick of rock, ingrained so deep he could never get it out even if he wanted to. It was terrifying to have so much of yourself pinned on something as vulnerable as another human, something so easily lost. Jared took a deep breath trying to calm himself, and scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

"You want- d'you want something to eat?" he asked. His voice sounded shaky, though, and he yelled at himself internally to pull yourself fucking together, Jared, you're no use to anyone if you're not in control right now. Isaac shook his head.

"I'm not really hungry," he said quietly. Jared answered fast-

"Come downstairs anyway, and maybe- I don't know. I'll make you some toast. You need to drink something, at least."

He got up and went to the cupboard, retrieving his softest sweater for Isaac to put on over his t-shirt. Once Isaac had it over his head he looked up and his hair was all ruffled, and Jared couldn't help but reach out a hand to smooth it out of his eyes. Isaac didn't really react.

"C'mon then, mate," said Jared softly, hand still at the back of his head. "Let's go get you some food."

----o----

"I should probably get home," Isaac said later, as they sat eating toast in the quiet of the kitchen. Jared felt something like nausea spin through him and he said quickly,

"You don't have to. I mean- you can stay here. As long as you want. We could ring Rosie and ask if that's okay? If you want."

"Yeah," said Isaac. "Thanks J."

Rosie in fact called them before they had a chance to call her.

"Hey," she said, after Isaac had put her on speaker phone. "Just ringing to check everything's okay." She sounded soft, unsure.

"It's okay," said Isaac. "We're doing alright. J says I can stay here for a bit but I don't know how-"

"I could tell Mam and Dad you're with me? They're downstairs right now, but I'm supposed to be leaving for Sheffield this afternoon and I can pretend you're meeting me somewhere on the way?"

"I- alright, good, thanks," said Isaac, then- "They let you back in the house?"

"They came back early today and I was still here. Dad persuaded Mum to let me stay till my train goes this evening. But Zac-"

"Don't even think about staying for me," Isaac interrupted her, voice allowing no room for argument. "You need to go back to uni."

"I'm coming back at the weekend," she told him, equally stubborn. "Can I stay with you, Jared?"

"Yeah, course."

"Thanks. Oh, fuck, I gotta go. Mam's coming upstairs. Zac I- I love you. See you on Saturday, okay? Take care of yourself. I love you."

"Love you too, Nosy," said Isaac quietly, and then they both heard the phone beep to signal she'd hung up.

----o----

Forty minutes later found them in the living room. Jared had half-heartedly turned the TV to TLC, which was running repeats of Toddlers and Tiaras. Neither of them were really watching anyway, it was just that Jared could see the rings round Isaac's eyes and how his feet dragged and he knew he wasn't up to much today. Isaac looked fucking exhausted- but he wasn't letting himself relax into the sofa, instead perching right on the edge with his hands tight together.

"C'mere," said Jared eventually, holding out his arms. Isaac just stared for a few seconds and then shuffled over to where Jared sat at the end of the sofa, back on the cushioned armrest and legs stretched out. Jared put his arms round Isaac and folded him gently between his own body and the back of the sofa, Isaac's head on his chest. "There."

Isaac shifted up slightly to look Jared in the face.

"I-" he began, then stopped. Jared ran a thumb under one of his whiskey-brown eyes and said,

"Fuck, mate, did you sleep at all last night?"

Isaac rolled his eyes slightly, which was an unexpected relief. It made Jared chuckle, the sound warm and tension-relieving. Isaac slipped back down and Jared tried not to think too hard about how well they fit together, like complementary puzzle pieces.

His fingers found their way into Isaac's hair of their own accord and he rubbed absent-minded circles into Isaac's scalp as some screaming toddler in a sequinned dress ran around on screen.

"I'm sorry," said Isaac again, and Jared shook his head.

"Shut up and get some sleep," he told him softly.