My Forever and Always (The Phantom of The Opera)

Chapter 22

Recap: In one of the pages, I found my name and felt sad when I read how she missed me. But I discovered some disturbing things. Christine had nightmares and jumped at the sound of organ. She hated looking at roses and freaked out at silhouettes of men in very dark clothes. It was almost like PTSD, from the most scary and traumatic incidence in her life. My heart dropped when I realised what this was about.

Realisation hit me like a brick to the face. Nothing ever changed and all my efforts went in vain. Everything I did for Erik never made any actual difference. Erik went back to his old ways and circumstances reverted back to their tragic ends. The haunting and tragic story of the Phantom of The Opera unveiled itself nevertheless. I carefully set down the old and fragile book and backed away. I didn't want my now sweaty hands and uncontrollable tears ruin the book. I fell on my bed and hugged my knees. All this while I subconsciously denied that I hurt Erik. I influenced myself into believing that whatever I did back in Paris made a change. That somehow magically Erik had become a better person with a better life. Christine, that sweet girl grew up to have a happy life without such tragedies. Oh, how wrong I was. I closed my eyes and saw the image of Erik, lying all alone in the desolate underground lair. He brought a crumpled white veil to his face and kneeled in front of a toy monkey. The music box in the toy played a solemn tune. He looks up from the veil towards the cave ceilings above him. There was nothing but darkness – all around him and inside him.

Erik's POV

I never had a day in my life where I felt a shred of love, compassion or warmth. Ever since I was born, the world showed me no pity. Yet, I did everything I could to survive, in hopes that someday I'll find the light that everyone has but me. Someday this unending sorrow will disappear and I'll find my peace. My aspirations for such a utopia were feeling more plausible with every single day I spent with Clarissa.

Today was the day I felt happiness, pleasure and love like it were an endless ocean. I could forgive every single day of despair for the happiness that I finally felt. I lay on bed with Clarissa right beside me. She touched me, looked at me and made me feel like I was the only person who mattered in this world. If I die right now, I'll die as the happiest man alive. Ironically, today is the first time I felt like not killing myself. Because I finally found a hope, dream and passion. And all of it was tied to this angel who was so close to me. My heartbeat thundered in my head. The most beautiful eyes stared deeply in my own. Clarissa bought her face close to mine after leaving a chaste kiss on my chin. Every place she touched sent shivers down my back. I felt this immeasurable pleasure spread like fire through my mind, soul and my... manhood.

She was talking about using the washroom. I vaguely remember helping her up the bed, leading her to the washroom and holding her in my embrace, leaving a soft kiss on her neck. Things weren't registering in my head well because my mind was blurred with boundless happiness of being with her. I could see myself treating her like a queen, loving her, protecting her, worshipping her and spending everyday of my life with her. In the next minute I felt electricity course through my veins. There was immense pain that caused my whole body to shiver and then darkness. My mind slipped to complete and utter darkness amidst which I heard the beautiful voice of my love saying – "I'm sorry."

It's been days, weeks or months. I don't know. What I do know is that the last breathy words uttered in the sweetest voice haunted my thoughts ever since. "I'm sorry." A simple apology that could never come close to mending the excruciating pain I suffered every single second. I remember when I woke up from the cold hard ground but my head was supported by a soft pillow and a quilt covering me up warmly. I remembered the last blow that knocked me out. I felt my heart drop when the realisation hit me. No, it couldn't be. Clarissa wouldn't abandon me, right? Those sweet words, those loving touches, our last intimate moments, were they all a lie? Just a cover for her to fool me into letting her go?

I let out a scream of pain that echoed throughout the cavernous lair. I kept screaming until my voice grew sore. Nobody ever came to comfort me. Its just me, my pain and the stone walls and the glistening lake reflecting my screams back to me. I looked towards the misty lake in a daze, its depth was enticing me to drown all my pain, for one last time. I came to know Clarissa had submitted an urgent notice letter. She left a resignation and apology, along with personal notes to Christine, Meg, Madame Giry and those two buffoons at the stage direction department. Yet, not a word for me. Robert apparently cried in front of everyone while Pierre let a tear or two slide, while patting Robert's back in comfort. All her things were cleared out, including articles from her business. The Opera House went about its work like usual. Soon, her name was forgotten from conversations and minds. It was like she never existed. Robert went away to work as a team leader at the London Opera. Days went by, I barely slept or ate. I spent my days in a blur, struggling to live each day. Everywhere I looked, her memories haunted me. Her presence left imprints all across my only home. I tired myself to madness, etching her perfect features on canvas every single day and composing tunes that reminded me of the emotions she evoked in me. She was the only one who understood my pain, comforted me, built me and treated me with love and kindness. Then slowly but surely this agony subsided and turned into anger. She left to a place I could never reach.

Then one fine day, wallowing in my sadness, anger and pain, I heard little Christine crying out to her Angel of Music. Maybe teaching her could take my minds off of things? So, I resumed the deception, spending hours training Christine under the guise of her Angel of Music.

It has been 10 years since. Christine, my angel has grown to a woman. A woman who was fitting to shine in front of the world and be the new Prima Donna. Her voice soared and moulded to beautiful notes, just the way I wanted. Every passing day, my pure angel grew into her features. Her face now resembled the face of the woman I used to love. This changed the way I saw her. Spending time with her filled me with hope and helped me forget my pain. Only the golden-brown wavy locks were replaced with dark brown curls. The grey-blue cunning eyes are now brown and innocent. Unlike the ambitious and raging woman I knew before, my angel is innocent and untainted from the evils of the world. She is whole-heartedly devoted to me, and timidly bent to all my wishes. She was amongst the most graceful ballerina girls, and looked nothing less of an angel. This time, I won't let any strange gaze fall upon my angel. My beautiful angel, Christine Daae, you belong to me. I'll make her my song bird, who'll stay with me and sing for me. This time, I'll seek my happiness.