What we yearn for (unedited)

3 Brielle

"Brielle, why exactly are you still here?"

The faintly accented voice is the first thing I hear just as I'm about to pass by Monika's ajar office door.

The flower shop is empty of employees this early in the morning, and the current temperature inside has me pulling the sleeves of my oversized sweater down my arms. Or maybe it was the tone of my boss's voice that caused the chill to run past me. I couldn't ever really tell. Especially with her having her back toward me as she focused on whatever she was writing at her desk.

"Good morning to you too, Monika. Glad you're back," I smile, even though she isn't paying me any visual mind.

That is until, Monika stops her writing, pushes back slightly from her black oak wood desk and swivels her seat around to face me.

"Good morning. And only for a bit."

Monika's expression wasn't exactly decipherable, as usual. But I knew Monika well enough by now to know that the lack of expression in her deep moss-colored eyes and emotionlessness in her voice wasn't anything to worry about.

"Now, why are you here when you're in that condition? '' Monika pointed her gaze toward my abdomen. "You can wear all the baggy clothes you'd like. but my memory serves me correctly, you're due any day now. "

"And you're be absolutely right. But I thought I could work a little later? I asked Jenny about it."

"How much later? Are you waiting until your water breaks?"

Well, I'm not against it.

Besides me actually liking my work, I was pretty restless at home. Work, while it could be physically exhausting, kept me busy from allowing any pessimistic thoughts to creep into my head. Although there were moments where I failed and ended up sulking.

"Don't do that,'' Monika suddenly says. "I get you're going through a tough time going through this pregnancy on your own with little help from your family, but you shouldn't push yourself."

I crack a smile," why Monika, are you concerned? About me?"

Her stoic demeanor breaks as she grimaces "and there you go ruining the moment."

"I am not! This is a rare moment right now. Can you blame me for calling you out on it?"

"No, but I can blame you for trying to change the subject." she says, shaking her disapprovingly. In that moment, she pauses as if lingering in thought before choosing her next wording carefully. "Brielle, I understand I may just be your employer, but i am not a slaver driver. It may seem as if I'm being pushy about your leave but it's only because i feel it's needed. You work harder than anyone I've ever employed here and yet you're carrying another human in you. You need to rest."

My smile faltered as i cast my gaze downward.

I wasn't entirely insecure about myself to the point where I didn't realize that I was a hard worker. But, and I never could quite pinpoint why, it always felt odd being outwardly praised and hearing another acknowledge my work. Or hearing someone compliment me generally as a person. Plus over the years I've grown accustomed to compliments being followed by something back handed.

"Americans have a term, don't they? ''Give me my flowers, ' i believe it's called. "Said Monika. "If I understand it properly, it means to give someone their credit when it's due; while they're still alive to smell them. So, I suppose this would be me giving you your flowers. What you do with them, whether you let them flourish or die, is up to you Brielle."

Coldness in her tone be damned, there was a truth in Monika when she spoke. It made it hard for me to ignore it. But at the same time hard to listen to.