What we yearn for (unedited)

15 Brielle

I didn't Have it in me to outwardly deny what Milan said out of pride alone. So, I just turned my attention back to the show I put on the television for Eli.

But, I had to be honest with myself.

 I knew that if the opportunity presented itself, drunk or not, there was a high chance I'd end up having sex with Milan again. 

Back arching...steamy...thigh quivering,  explosive sex.

And maybe that couldn't be a bad thing?

I've had protected casual sex partners before. (protected, excluding Milan and Eli's father that one time we didn't use a condom of course).  The act itself , to me,  was ultimately harmless and something I had no issue consenting to as long as we set boundaries, and no one got hurt.

Out the corner of my eye I can see Milan, hes looking down at his phone in his lap. I know the familiar layout of an iMessage screen. 

His entire time here, his phone hasn't rung, and it doesn't even make it sound even now as I see what looks like a new speech bubble pop up on the left side of his screen, signaling a new text from whom ever. Wordlessly, he looks at the message for a moment before placing it on the end table next to the couch and turning his attention back to the television.

Besides this telling me he put his phone on silent when he got here so we wouldn't be disturbed when we talk. This also reminds me of something: sure, I didn't know exactly who he was texting, and frankly it was none of my business, But It was highly probable that Milan couldn't and wouldn't get hurt in our casual sex. He had other girls he could become infatuated with after me. it wasn't as if he felt something Deep for me. We could go do this for a little while, have our fun, and when we both wanted to stop or see other people, we could do that.

Easy, right?

I go over the idea in my head for a bit up until I notice the signs of wanting a nap Brewing upon Eli by his behavior.

"Give me a second, I'm gonna see if he needs to be cleaned up and then lay him down. and then we can talk about laying out some ground rules about this."

Milan nods, watching me get up from the couch and lift Eli. It doesn't take too long for me to put Eli down for his nap after changing him. I've slowly gotten more comfortable with him sleeping in his room with out me physically being around; although I do make sure to pop my head in to check in on him. when I'm sure he's fast asleep in his crib, I make sure the baby monitors I set up are on before turning to leave his room. Only when I turn, I'm startled at the sight of Milan at the doorway. His eyes aren't on anything in particular, but More so roaming the room; its decor.

"Elephants?" he asks, noticing a few plushies and baby elephant themed objects placed around Eli's room. it takes a moment for me to realize that hes asking If this is the actual theme I've settled on of Eli's room.

"Yes," I smile. "I mean, its not done yet. But I'll add more too it of course. Theirs a  bunch more stuff and a giant elephant plush I have my eye on at a store nearby that'll go great in the corner over there."

He wrinkles his nose in a similar fashion that I've witnessed in His sister, "sounds like that's going to require some lifting."

"It will," I nod. "but i'll try to recruit you for that later. right now, we have something else to talk about."

+++++++

"You mentioned ground rules," Milan says once we step inside my room.

At first his eyes dart to the chair in the corner, perhaps in search for a place to sit. but unfortunately, its stacked with my latest findings of literature that I planned to read. Before I can make a motion to move them though, Milan helps himself on my bed.