A Song of Silence

Chapter 50: An Explanation in the Dark

*Its the 50th chapter!!! Thank you to all my readers and your comments and votes on this book!! I couldn't have gotten this far without you all!! Also this book is now at 3k reads!!!!! Again Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!! A thousand thank you's could not express how thankful I am!!!*

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As much as I would have liked to stay in the grotto, I knew that my curiosity would not let me stay for long. I had lived for several hundred years and still, I had no idea how Karasi and Madame Dietra managed to get inside my head. I could write them off as a figment if my tired imagination, but I had written that idea off hours ago. All the evidence pointed to the fact that they were, indeed, in my head and that we had truly spoken. I decided to leave a day later due to the fact that I needed to set the cabin up in preparation of a possible return in the far future. I knew I might return here someday, but a small part of me acknowledged that it would not be anytime soon.

Fastening my pack to Millie's saddle, I jumped up in her back and clicked my tongue in signal for her to start trotting. I could not go directly to the Capital city. The High Kings and who knew else's spies would be in the lookout for me and would easily be able to find my grotto home if I went directly to the Capital city. A detour back down to a few villages in the mountain stretch should throw them off my trail. It would be an easy guess that my grotto home was somewhere near where I had been living the past couple of years. They would look there first and I would have enough warning to destroy any evidence of my grotto home if I thought it would be found. I doubted it would be found, it hadn't in the last 250 years since it's creation, but I liked to be cautious.

Millie kept her canter fast paced even as I urged her not to. I couldn't blame her though, we hadn't been riding in quite some time and I could see how it itched at her. Luckily the journey were were now embarking on was a weeks ride from the Capital city, so she would get plenty of exercise.

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The entire journey was fairly uneventful and boring. It seemed the scouts looking for me had been used elsewhere so I was able to move about much quicker than before. We made record time to the Capital city even with the added time needed to disguise the location of the grotto. Instead of going into the palace as I was no doubt expected to, I instead decided to go and see Xyla. We hadn't talked for weeks and she was no doubt pissed at me about it. Giving Millie's reigns to a stable hand, I walked up the busy street to Xyla's seamstress shop. The bell ringed when I walked in and I went to the back of the shop where I knew Xyla would most likely be. She was indeed there and working on one of her newest creations. She knew I was there, but she must be quite angry for the amount of time she was ignoring me. Unluckily for the both of us, I had time to kill. Lots of it. So, I waited and waited and waited. Xyla continued her stitches on the newest dress she was working on and still continued to ignore me. We both were stubborn enough to let this go on for hours, but I was in no position to be stubborn. At least, not right now.

"I'm sorry." I say, the words dissolved into the endless silence that stood between us. The only signal of her surprise was the shake of her normally steady hand. "I was a coward and very fucking selfish to leave as I did. I worried the people that care about me, but I needed time alone to think and I wouldn't have gotten that here." Xyla huffs and slowly puts her needle and spool of thread on the tray next to her. She looks at me finally and it is not anger that I see, but disappointment. That hurts more than anything.

"I hate you right now, you know." I only nod in response. "You run when things get difficult or you get overwhelmed. You are a coward because you run."

"Don't forget selfish." I reply sadly. This makes a small smile appear on her face before it quickly disappears.

"You can't abandon your duties to Karasi and the court when the words of those in the silver tongues court get too hard." She shakes her head sadly at me. What? Run away because of the court? My confusion must show on my face because she asks, "What?"

You think I left because of the cruel words and glares of the nobles at court?

"Yes," she says somewhat reluctantly.

And the inner court thinks that as well?

"I believe so, why?" Age looks at me strangely, probably wondering what prompted me to ask such a question.

I did not leave because of them rumors spread by the inner court! Ducking hell, they are the last people that crossed my mind over the past few weeks. I say, astonished that the inner court thought so little of me.

"Then why did you leave?" She asks. That answer is something I don't know if I am willing to share.

Personal reasons. Is all I respond..

Xyla studies me for a moment before saying quietly, "No. it can't be. Not, not after...," her words trail off in astonishment. Xyla knew enough of my past that she had known of a determination I had to never fall in love again. I had been young and a fool, but I fell for him nonetheless. He broke my heart at the order of the Grand Assassin. When I had learned that our relationship was a farce, I had killed him in cold blood. Ever since any feeling I had developed toward men had vanished and sex became part of my missions and nothing more. A small laugh escapes Xyla before she says, "I never thought you, of all fae would fall in love ever again."

I rub my arm sheepishly, I just needed time to think over what I felt.

"And your decision?" Xyla asks delicately. My silence is enough of an answer. Xyla approaches me and slowly says, "But why? Of any fae I know, you are the one that deserves happiness the most."

He needs a political alliance with one of the fae women here for the competition. Besides, he probably doesn't feel the same.

"Then ask him!" She admonishes news, "Ask him, Ask him, Ask him! You fool!"

I can't! He is the High King! He needs an advantageous match and the last thing that I am is advantageous!

Xyla places her hands on my shoulders, "Are you absolutely sure?" I nod. Xyla envelops me in a tight hug and says into my ear, "If you change your mind, let me know and I'll do all I can to help."

When she lets me go, I sign Will Do. With that I say my goodbyes to her and make my way out of the shop. I pull my hood back up on my head and start my trek once again on the busy streets of the Capital city. A few minutes into my walk, I notice some of the palaces personal guards trying to discreetly follow me. They have worn clothes in an attempt to blend in, but their clean shaved faces and wary glances to the crowd around them give them away. Karasi or Madame Dietra most likely sent them to shadow me as soon as the royal spies heard of my return.

Unluckily for the palace guards, I was in no mood to be followed. Taking a sharp right down the nearest alleyway, I levered myself onto the roof bordering the alley. Looking down from my perch, I watched as the two guards looked around in confusion. One then spotted the note I had left at the mouth of the alley. They picked it up and read, Return to your master, I will come to the palace when I am ready. Looking around in confusion once more and putting their hands on their hips in frustration, I he guards accepted defeat and went back the way they came. I would not return to the palace for a few more hours. Better to keep those waiting for me on their toes. Either way, I had people to watch, gossip to overhear, and fun to have before I got yelled at when I returned to the palace. Since I was already on the roofs, i decided to move about that way. It was the middle of the day, so a black cloaked figure would be easy to spot, but nobody was looking for such a figure in the middle of the day. Running around the slick rooftops with the well work soles of my boots, I ran and jumped. Lots of thing a to do. Lots of things to see. Lots of things to learn.