Suffering (Sad Levi x Reader)

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Normally, you don't walk through the hallways of the HQ in the middle of the night, but at that moment you had to. You've been trying to find the captain for two hours – to no avail. Now was a time where he really shouldnt be alone. Not only was he physically exhausted and burned out, but his mental state was a totally chaos. His brain still had to accept the loss of his best friend. Again.

Erwin was dead.

You watched as Levi had to hurt himself and make this difficult decision. While the kids were happy about Armin - you too, of course - a world collapsed for him. The breaking of his heart could almost have been heard. His blood-smeared face would seem scary to others, while you, however, only saw Levi. A man with a destroyed heart who witnessed the guy he used to hate die. You watched him disappear for hours after his squad died. No one seemed to have really noticed, but he had swollen eyes that day.

You sneak through the corridors, neither seeing nor hearing anything. When you arrive at his bedroom door, you knock carefully – trying to not catch anyone else's attention.

"Captain?" you whisper-screamed.

No answer. Maybe he's asleep. You knock again and press your ear against the door. Again, nothing. "I'm coming in now." you warn him and open the door carefully. "Levi?"

His bedroom seems to look like always. His desk is clean and tidy, the pillows on his couch are made and dust free. "Are you there?"

With a tired sigh, you walk to his bed in a separated room. Where the hell is he? With small steps you walk through his bedroom, but find nothing. He can't be gone, can he? You're about to give up, when suddenly, a heartbreaking sob reaches your ears. You stop in your tracks and glance at his bathroom door. Immediately after hearing a similar noise, you put your hand on the doorknob and knock gently.

After taking a deep breath, you open the door and gasp.

Levi, your lover, is scrunched over on the shower floor with his hands buried into his hair, tears flowing down his cheeks and his body trembling continuously. "Levi..."
Your boyfriend doesn't even realize you're there. To not scare him away, you carefully kneel down and slowly stroke a hand through his hair.

He whimpers softly. "He will never come back."

"It's okay." you murmur reassuringly and wrap your arms around his small frame. "Shhh..." your voice seems to calm him down a bit, but not quietly.

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Levi never knew how to deal with his emotions. When he met Farlan, the first person he ever trusted in the underground city, he learned that life is not hell alone, but that there is good, too. He was a young man - which he still is, but more experienced, that finally got to forget, smile, laugh and feel like the happiest person on earth. But then, after their first time going outside the walls, they had to leave. No. Kenny left, but Isabel and Farlan were taken away. He couldn't tell which hurt more.

"(Y-y/n)" he still couldn't speak, so you held him closer and whispered soothing words into his ear. Placing kisses onto his hair, you try to hold back your own tears. "Please don't go. Never. I-I know you can't promise that, but....please." he pleads.

"I'm here. I'm not going to leave," you say, burying your face into his hair. "I'll try. I promise." he nods into your chest and wraps his arms around your waist.

"Can we go to sleep? Please." he asks and looks into your eyes. They are red and swollen.

"Of course." you take him by the hand and lead him into his bed. Once there, you both go under the blanket and Levi puts his head directly on your warm chest. "Everything will be fine." you whisper and wrap your arms around him. "I love you."

He looks up again. You lean down and capture his lips with your own. It's desperate, passionate and broken, but above all, it's filled with comfort and love. You give him one last kiss. "Good night."

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