What's for Breakfast?

Twenty-Three: Too Much

I don't go straight to the unit. Even going home is disheartening. 

Every corner of it reminds me of Derek, and I'm pretty sure that the unit is the easiest way for them to find me. I don't want to talk to any of them. Not even to Patrick. It's clear he's aware of what Derek had done, and I can't fathom why he didn't intervene.

My chest is still tight, though my tears have subsided. The taxi driver circles the city without any questions. After the third loop, I dial Cathy's number. She picks up after two rings. 

"Hey, what's up?" 

"Cathy, are you home?" My voice is still scratchy after crying. And because it's Cathy, she perceives it instantly.  

"What happened?" she asks. "I'm out buying groceries, but I'll be there in a bit. Just wait outside my unit." 

"Alright, see you." We end the call. I give the address to the driver, and he makes a swift turn. 

Cathy's condominium building is only a few blocks away, thank goodness. I take the elevator, then I wait in front of the door, my eyes swollen and damp.

I can't think straight, my mind congested with never-ending questions. Derek threw away money so they would break up with me, but he did nothing to have me for himself. Then what was his purpose? To make me feel unwanted? Worthless?

I've been standing in front of Cathy's door for fifteen minutes when she arrives, hugging two grocery bags.

"Sam, what happened to you?" She sashays toward me, brows furrowed. I force a wry smile, not wanting to unleash a fresh wave of tears in the hallway.

She asks me to take the keys out of her pocket. I unlock the door. Cathy's unit is impressive, as I've anticipated. The minimalist design and nature-inspired accents, with potted succulents scattered about, bring a fleeting sense of tranquility. I feel a gush of calmness as I cross the doorsill, though it isn't enough to wash away all the hurt.

She places the bags on the dining table, while I switch the lights on. I take my pumps off, the balls of my feet relaxing, and I sit on the beige sofa, knees curled up against my head. Cathy sits next to me, her comforting presence a balm to my wounded soul.

"Should I call Sandy and Bea?" 

"No, Cathy. It's fine. I just didn't want to go home," I mumble. She nods, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

My eyes brim with tears. "Cathy, it's Derek." 

"What? What did he do?" 

"Derek gave Kurt money before to dump me," I state. "And it wasn't just Kurt." 

Cathy's jaw drops. "What? I can't... You mean even the recent ones?"

I shake my head. "He said he didn't do anything about them. But it doesn't make me feel any better." 

I lean on the backrest of the sofa, gazing up. "Derek tried to control my life. All those years, I felt like I wasn't good enough, especially after Kurt. I tried so hard."

She pulls me into an embrace, and I rest my chin on her shoulder.

"Oh, Sam..." 

"Derek's the only person who's made me feel like I can be myself. And it's true, I like him." Smiling bitterly, I add, "And that's why it hurts so much, Cathy. I feel so cheated. We always fought back then. Was it his way to get back at me? Did he do it because he wanted to ruin me?"

Cathy gently eases herself back, her hands firmly grasping my shoulders.

"Sam, I don't think that's it."