The Project | Larry Stylinson

Chapter 5

!!TW-self harm!!

Harry's POV🌻

Finally, I approached the familiar wooden door. I unlocked it and walked inside, throwing my bag on the couch and walking to the pantry.

Thank god it's Friday. I grabbed an apple and a bag of salt and vinegar chips and walked across the room, sitting down at the small dining table to eat. My phone vibrated next to me. I picked it up, expecting it to be Ed or Niall and was caught a little off guard to see it was from an unknown number.

I nearly dropped my phone when I opened it and read the new message.

Unknown number

heyyy it's me, Louis :)

Me

hiiiiii :]

Unknown number

helloo watcha doing?

Me

just eating and procrastinating homework, you?

Louis 

hahah, nice

I just got home from dropping off my sisters 

now I'm just contemplating life.

Me

oh isn't that lovely?

Louis

yup :D

so what time do u wanna come over tmr?

Holy shit wait- he was serious about that?? Okay okay, act cool Harry.

Me

idm :)

Louis

is 11 good for u?

Me

yep!

Louis

cool 

I was thinking we could do some of the projects and then just hang out, yeah? :)

Oh my god. Is this even real? I had been secretly waiting for him to message me since I gave him my number in English.

and the fact that Louis fucking Tomlinson wants to hang out with me!?! I pinched my arm to make sure this wasn't just a cruel dream. Maybe this means I've got another friend! I have always kind of been lacking in that area and I would never admit it out loud but I was secretly really excited. and it was Louis! one of the 'cool and popular' guys. I honestly thought that they were all dicks.

Me

yeah sure :D

Louis

anyways, I should probably go, I'm going grocery shopping with my mum :)

Me

okay byee

Louis

cya :)

Woah. That conversation just happened. I put my phone on the charger and got up, deciding to go take a shower so I chucked my apple core in the bin and walked to the bathroom. I needed to clear my head after that conversation. I slowly got undressed and turned on the shower, not bothering to wait for it to heat up. The cold hit my body. the weather had gotten considerably worse since I got home.

after a minute, the water finally heated up, and steam surround me as the now-hot water came into contact with my cold skin. 

-

'why can't I just be fucking normal?' I whispered, holding the blade to the spot on my wrist that's usually covered by my arrangement of bracelets. I was sitting on the bathroom floor against the shower door with a towel draped around my shoulders and slowly soaking the black shirt I was wearing. 

I slowly and carefully pushed the blade deeper into my skin. bright red blood started to seep out of the before-closed wounds. It had been 4 whole days since I last took a blade to my wrist. That was the longest I've ever gone without breaking my streak.

I wasn't even really sure why I was doing it again. It was everything the bullying, getting beat up, and the fact I just had to be gay. I wouldn't even get bullied if Nick hadn't outed me. Nick and I were friends all through middle school until I finally dared to come out to him. He's extremely homophobic and it had just never come up before. I vividly remember seeing the disgust on his face as he jumped up from the couch and angrily said 'Never fucking come near me again you filthy queer.' And that was the last time we spoke.

Well willingly at that. before that, he was always such a nice guy, which is why it shocked me so much. I sighed and stood up, walking over to the sink. I carefully rinsed off the cuts and opened the cupboard where I knew the bandages and dressings were. 

fuck.

it was empty. the box was empty. I wrapped a tissue around my wrist instead and secured it with an elastic band. that would have to do for now. I walked back into my room, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed a pen and scribbled a note on my hand reminding myself to pick up some more stuff on the way home from Louis' house. The chemist near my house didn't open until 11:30 anyways.

I lopped onto my bed and plugged my headphones into my ears, shuffling whatever playlist I was listening to this morning. I smiled a bit when I saw an incoming message from Louis, who had realised he had forgotten to send me his address. 

He also followed up that message with a Kermit the Frog meme. I laughed a bit and put my phone done, and picked up my book instead. I flicked over to the page I was up to and began reading. the book was about a girl who was investigating a murder case with a boy who was allegedly the murderer's brother. 

Ed had recommended me the book a few months ago and I had gotten invested in it quickly. within a week I had already gone out and bought the other 2 books in the series. Crime wasn't usually my choice of book. I usually read romance and occasionally fantasy. 

I like reading romances for many reasons. 1, I love love. funny saying that, considering I have never dated anyone. only ever liked people and stared at them from across the hallway or lunch room. the second reason is that I love falling in love with fictional characters. fictional people are so much easier to think about or like because no drama comes with it. just love.

even though all of those feelings are one-sided I didn't care, I hadn't liked anyone in a while anyway. that lead my mind back to a pair of beautiful blue eyes I couldn't seem to get out of my head. It's weird because I don't have a crush on Louis. God I only met him on Wednesday! I hadn't even noticed him before. 

I liked him as a friend, that's all, if I can even call him that. I mean, he's pretty I'll admit. well more like fucking drop-dead gorgeous. and he's really funny and sweet. he looks a bit intimidating but other than that he's amazing. 

I don't have a crush on him though, I can't. Just no. Besides he's probably straight anyways it wouldn't turn into anything even if I wanted it to. which I don't for that matter. 

----

I'm back bitches.

also to anyone who may be reading this just know, I love you and I'm proud of you. even if all you did today was get up. just keep pushing, things can get better, whether or not it seems like it can. ur valid <3

30/4/2023

(I keep forgetting Meltdown was released I haven't listened to it yet ahhh!!!!)

Larry 💙💚