The Project | Larry Stylinson

Chapter 11

TW-mentions of self harm/suicidal thoughts

'Harry? Is that you?' Louis asked.

Another sniff.

'Harry please, where are you?'

Silence.

Sniff.

'Please. I know I fucked up, please just talk to me,' his voice cracked as he held back tears. Then, he heard something that sounded like...a page turning?

'Harry?' A confused Louis walked around the last tree Harry could've been behind, and he almost cried of relief when he saw the red-eyed boy sitting up against it, airpods in, book in hand. 'Harry- oh my God I'm so fucking sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, I-' 

'Louis, Louis calm down you're rambling,' Harry finally said. 'But-' his voice cracked. 'Just breathe okay?' Louis nodded and attempted to control his sporadic breathing. Harry watched as the short boy fell to his knees and buried his head in his hands, cursing himself under his breath.

'Harry I am so, so sorry. I was a dick, you didn't deserve to be treated like that. I don't know what came over me that day, and I'm so sorry I snapped at you again today. I know there's no excuse for treating someone like that, especially when you've done nothing wrong. You've been nothing but amazing to me and I've just been an ass,' he paused momentarily to catch his breath before continuing. 

'I don't know what's going on in my head at the moment, it's weird and I fucking hate it...' Louis glanced down to the elastic band on his wrist, the tint of redness and bruising around it. Whenever he was in a bad mood or was unkind to someone, he put an elastic band on his wrist for a week or so. If he did something rude, he would lift it up, and flick himself with it as a form of punishment. Louis hated rude people, so sometimes that meant he hated himself.

He ran his finger under the band and stared blankly at Harry, thinking about what to say next, to show his friend how sorry he was. Harry seemed to notice the band, but decided not to say anything.

'Do you want to talk about it? Something's clearly been bothering you,' Harry spoke quietly, his words coming out as barely a whisper.

'Honestly? I don't know, I always thought I was...something, and now I think I'm something else, I don't understand it, I'm scared, and I'm just taking it out on everyone else now,' Louis sighed. He wanted to tell Harry so bad. He was openly bisexual, and had been for years. Surely he would understand.

'I understand, that's kind of how I felt when I realised I was bi.'

Louis nodded, feeling his ears turn a light shade of pink, he then watched as Harry's gaze shifted to his cheeks which were definitely a matching shade to his ears by now.

'I mean I'm not saying that's what your uhm, you know, thing is of course!' Harry stuttered out, realising what he'd said. 'Well I mean, unless it is of course...is it?' 

Louis hesitated, unsure of what to say.

'Actually, you know what? that's none of my business either way,' he decided, filling Louis with a surge of relief. He smiled, and turned his focus down, down to Harry's hands. His hands were fidgeting, he was nervous. His wrists were barely showing out of the ends of his sleeves. 

Red. Purple. Black.

It was blood.

Dried blood.

Dried blood on Harry's wrist.

Dried blood in the shape of small 3-4cm slits.

Next to the lines was his scattered array of bracelets, all he now noticed, were tinted red. Old blood stains that had been attempted to be washed out. 

'Harry...'

A confused Harry looked back at the other boy, and followed his gaze down, down to his wrists, to his bracelets, to the bruises underneath, to the blood, to the cuts.

Once he realised what Louis was looking at, he took a sharp breath in and tugged his sleeve back down, but it was too late. Louis had already seen it. And he was sure that if he looked up right now, he would be looked back at him with anger, or possibly even disgust.

Harry and Louis stayed silent.

Both waiting for the other to say something.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, or maybe it was only a few minutes. It was impossible to tell. They didn't even look at each other.

'Why?' Louis eventually croaked out.

Harry didn't answer. Instead he asked, 'Do you have any water?'

Louis was hesitant, but nonetheless pulled out a clear plastic bottle from his bag and handed it to the boy.

He watched quietly as Harry tipped the bottle and soaked the edge of his other sleeve. He carefully put the bottle down and lifted his now wet sleeve to his face.

Making sure not to hurt himself, Harry wiped his sleeve along his eye, cheek, nose and lip, and revealed an arrangement of ugly bruises and cuts scattered across his face.

Harry looked down at the makeup now staining his sleeve and finally looked up at Louis.

'What...Harry. Who did this to you?' He asked firmly, his expression turning serious.

'I don't know, their faces are always covered,' he sighed. He had a feeling he knew who it was but he was too scared Louis would do something to them and it would get worse, especially if it was the wrong person.

'The fuck do you mean always? Has this happened to you before?' Louis asked, anger in his voice. 'Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped there. What I meant was, what do you mean always?' Louis said softly, but Harry noticed him flinch as he mindlessly flicked the elastic band on his wrist. 

'Uhm, well it's been happening for a while now. Probably since people found out I'm gay,' he said in defeat, he knew there was no point in lying now. 

'And I do this' he said, gesturing to his wounded wrist, 'Most days, no real pattern with it anymore. If I get beat up, I do it, I'm worthless, just like they say. If I don't get beat up, I do it, I deserve it anyways.'

'Harry. I haven't known you for long. But if I know one thing, it's that you don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to live a full and happy life. You don't deserve to be treated how you are.'

'Thank you for understanding Louis.'

'Of course. Hug?' Louis replied softly, putting his arms out.

Harry smiled and shuffled over to be greeted by a warm and loving embrace. It felt good to know someone was there for him. He let a few silent tears fall down his face and buried it in Louis' shoulder. 

For a moment it felt like nothing else mattered.

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A/n
meep morp we have happiness.

don't worry it's only temporary ;)